Biological Brothers

Oh, brother.

I feel like telling stories. Two stories. And you all know how long-winded I can be, so get comfortable.

Story #1: I think this took place in 1998. I was sitting in the Cougareat (big cafeteria thingy) at BYU with my brother, Jacob. Perhaps Rachel was there, too. Surrounding the eating area were several booths or tables. Students stationed themselves in said booths to promote their clubs, activities, or causes. Across the way there was a student in a booth. According to my memory, he was quite striking in his appearance. I thought I would like to make his acquaintance. But what would I say? Luckily, I have a helpful brother named Jacob. Jacob came up with all sorts of elaborate plans for me to meet this boy. Unfortunately, while his plans included ways to physically get me to the booth, they did not tell me what to say once I got there. He drew maps. He even got up and demonstrated the complicated paths around the tables. I was a geography major. I did not need someone to draw me a map of how to get around a table. I can draw my own maps, thank you. I needed someone to play Cyrano de Bergerac to my pathetic Christian--but with a happier ending.

Jacob got a little frustrated and called me "weak and stupid." Now, you may think this was rude. You may think I was offended. But if you think that, you don't know me or my relationship with my brother. I thought it was funny. We left. I did not approach the boy. I did not talk to the boy. I did not date the boy. I did not marry the boy.

Jacob had been learning in his biology class about Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest. He told me I was "weak and stupid and would never reproduce." And then he wrote a paper about it. He turned the paper in to his biology professor. He even got an A!!! That Jacob, he can write. He even made it sound scientifically sound. I still have a copy of the paper, if anyone is interested. It's quite entertaining.

For the record, I have reproduced successfully. I am not weak or stupid. Of course, Chris did approach me....

Story #2: My brother, Michael, is currently taking a biology class at BYU. His professor is an avid scuba diver. He told the class about a time he was diving and came across an intriguing fish. He followed it for a while. The fish saw the diver as a danger. It panicked and resorted to a "fight or flight" syndrome. It swam and tried to get away. But the scuba diver was too clever for it. Eventually the fish gave up. It became passive and waited for its inevitable death.

The biology professor taught that in nature, there are different stages when responding to danger. First comes the "fight or flight." Later comes the "passive" stage, where the victim just gives up, or gives in to danger.

Michael raised his hand--right in the middle of class--and spoke. (This intrigues me! I got through 12 years of public school and 4 years of university without ever speaking in class.) Michael said, "What do you make of my sister? When faced with fear, she skips the 'fight or flight' stage and goes right to the 'passive' stage." The professor said, "Well, does your sister find that when she responds like this, people surround her to comfort her?" Michael said, "You do realize we are talking about my older sister?" The professor paused, and then said, "Hmmm. I have no idea."

The specific example in Michael's mind was when one of my toddlers almost knocked over a floor lamp. I (apparently) screamed and hid my eyes. I don't remember the incident, but find it easy to believe.

You are welcome, dear brothers. I am glad I could provide real-life examples for you to better understand your biology classeses. I know you see me as some sort of oddity. But in the end, you like me that way. Right?

Jeffrey, have I ever helped you get through a biology class? I'll wait for your story.