Raisins Ruin Everything.
I saw that sign on my sister's fridge. I think her husband made it. I believe it.
Showing posts with label Megan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Megan. Show all posts
Monday, May 5, 2014
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--1
A Person's a Person, No Matter How Small
I know that God lives because I know that He loves me. His love is constant. I do not doubt His love for me. The scriptures plainly teach that God loves all His children. I know He loves me, so I know He loves everyone else just as much. I have based this particular (but not unique) life philosophy on my core belief that God loves His children. My philosophy is simply that people matter.
Every person matters. They matter to Heavenly Father. They matter to Jesus Christ. And they should matter to me. I hope this affects the way I treat people. I enjoy interacting with toddlers, children, teenagers, and adults. I like to talk to people. I like to listen to people. I know that, even if we don't immediately click, they matter just as much to Heavenly Father as I do.
I try to keep this in mind when forming opinions about immigration, prison reform, homeless, poor, health care, welfare, job creation, education, parental rights, religious rights, and the environment. Whenever I consider policy, I try to study and decide how it will affect individual people. I don't align myself with either political party (don't worry about me, I probably agree with you on most issues). In my mind, my party is pro-people. I believe the worth of a soul is immeasurable and wherever possible, I should hope for progress and improvement in life situations. I believe that life is valuable and should be respected--the life of a disabled person, mentally ill person, unborn person, an elderly person. These each have incredible value as an individual.
I matter to my Heavenly Father. Every person who has ever lived in this world matters to Heavenly Father. Human life is precious and valuable. People matter.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--2
Finding Myself
I had the privilege and blessing to serve as a full-time proselyting missionary for my church. I served in Australia for 18 months, beginning when I was 21-years-old. Nothing else could have helped me discover who I am as profoundly and plainly as my missionary service. I was a pretty decent person before my mission, if I do say so myself. But the powerful lessons I learned in that very brief time have set me on a path that has brought me great happiness.
Jesus Christ taught, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it" (Matthew 10:39). On my mission and at other times in my life, I have discovered more about myself when I wasn't thinking about myself than I could have with a whole lot of "me time."
I understand the importance of having time for personal development. I had four children in less than six years. Of course I understand that! I also understand that not everyone needs to serve a mission to learn this lesson. However, I learned it best as a missionary. I have been able to apply it for the almost twenty years since that time.
If I lack confidence, hard work or service help give me a boost. If I feel sad, hard work or service can lessen those feelings. If I am angry, nothing is more therapeutic than working for or serving someone else. I come back to my own life more complete, with a better understanding of my own heart and needs. I also feel more gratitude.
President Hinckley told the story of his own mission. He was down and discouraged when he got a letter from his dad with the simple advice, "Forget yourself and go to work." President Hinckley made the decision to invest himself in the work. Late in his life, he said, "Everything that has happened to me since that's been good I can trace to that decision..."
His words could have been mine. I loved my mission so much. I think about mission experiences and people every day. The lessons I learned, most especially to lose myself in order to find myself, have shaped my outlook on life. That particular lesson has helped me to be a better student, employee, member of a community, and church member. It has helped me be a better wife and mother.
Again, I know you don't have to serve a full-time mission to learn this lesson. But I am grateful every day that it was part of God's plan for me to serve in that capacity. I know it's not my decision, but I hope that it is part of God's plan for my children to allow them to serve as full-time missionaries. It is magnificent to find yourself while engaged in God's work.
I had the privilege and blessing to serve as a full-time proselyting missionary for my church. I served in Australia for 18 months, beginning when I was 21-years-old. Nothing else could have helped me discover who I am as profoundly and plainly as my missionary service. I was a pretty decent person before my mission, if I do say so myself. But the powerful lessons I learned in that very brief time have set me on a path that has brought me great happiness.
Jesus Christ taught, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it" (Matthew 10:39). On my mission and at other times in my life, I have discovered more about myself when I wasn't thinking about myself than I could have with a whole lot of "me time."
I understand the importance of having time for personal development. I had four children in less than six years. Of course I understand that! I also understand that not everyone needs to serve a mission to learn this lesson. However, I learned it best as a missionary. I have been able to apply it for the almost twenty years since that time.
If I lack confidence, hard work or service help give me a boost. If I feel sad, hard work or service can lessen those feelings. If I am angry, nothing is more therapeutic than working for or serving someone else. I come back to my own life more complete, with a better understanding of my own heart and needs. I also feel more gratitude.
President Hinckley told the story of his own mission. He was down and discouraged when he got a letter from his dad with the simple advice, "Forget yourself and go to work." President Hinckley made the decision to invest himself in the work. Late in his life, he said, "Everything that has happened to me since that's been good I can trace to that decision..."
His words could have been mine. I loved my mission so much. I think about mission experiences and people every day. The lessons I learned, most especially to lose myself in order to find myself, have shaped my outlook on life. That particular lesson has helped me to be a better student, employee, member of a community, and church member. It has helped me be a better wife and mother.
Again, I know you don't have to serve a full-time mission to learn this lesson. But I am grateful every day that it was part of God's plan for me to serve in that capacity. I know it's not my decision, but I hope that it is part of God's plan for my children to allow them to serve as full-time missionaries. It is magnificent to find yourself while engaged in God's work.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--3
Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!
My favorite quote from Henry David Thoreau is simply this: "Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!" I first read this as a teenager and I've held on to it.
I choose to have a simple life. I am purposely not very busy. We spend a lot of time at home or at nearby parks. I like it like that. I really enjoy traveling, but it's not practical for a family in our situation to travel that much. We are content with the life we have around us.
Paul wrote to the Philippians, "For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." This has been one of my keys to lasting happiness. I try to be content with the simple things. I like to look for little positive things that brighten my day. The last few days as I wash the dishes, I have enjoyed watching the world turn to spring outside the kitchen window. To do that, I turn my eyes away from the massive propane tanks to the left and focus on the hillside to the right. It's a small effort, but turning my head helps me to see amazing beauty. I am so grateful and happy when my children get delighted over little things--like the birds in the yard or a new mushroom growing because of the rain. I can't tell you how many times we've called to each other to come out to see a fascinating insect. We walk around the yard looking at the different small blossoms on the many varied kinds of weeds. It's a lovely yard.
The world is full of simple wonder and beauty. I believe choosing to live simply helps me to appreciate very small things and learn to be content with what I have. I also think that looking for the good in the world has helped me to look for the good in people. My life is so much more enjoyable when I find positive characteristics about people around me. Focusing on the good is a pretty simple way to live and I believe these very simple behaviors bring my life more meaning.
My favorite quote from Henry David Thoreau is simply this: "Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!" I first read this as a teenager and I've held on to it.
I choose to have a simple life. I am purposely not very busy. We spend a lot of time at home or at nearby parks. I like it like that. I really enjoy traveling, but it's not practical for a family in our situation to travel that much. We are content with the life we have around us.
Paul wrote to the Philippians, "For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." This has been one of my keys to lasting happiness. I try to be content with the simple things. I like to look for little positive things that brighten my day. The last few days as I wash the dishes, I have enjoyed watching the world turn to spring outside the kitchen window. To do that, I turn my eyes away from the massive propane tanks to the left and focus on the hillside to the right. It's a small effort, but turning my head helps me to see amazing beauty. I am so grateful and happy when my children get delighted over little things--like the birds in the yard or a new mushroom growing because of the rain. I can't tell you how many times we've called to each other to come out to see a fascinating insect. We walk around the yard looking at the different small blossoms on the many varied kinds of weeds. It's a lovely yard.
The world is full of simple wonder and beauty. I believe choosing to live simply helps me to appreciate very small things and learn to be content with what I have. I also think that looking for the good in the world has helped me to look for the good in people. My life is so much more enjoyable when I find positive characteristics about people around me. Focusing on the good is a pretty simple way to live and I believe these very simple behaviors bring my life more meaning.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--4
Staying Safe
My friend told me that when he was a missionary, he was often asked the question, "Have you been saved?" He answered, "I'm safe." And then he would explain about covenants and how his covenants keep him safe. If he endures and continues to keep his covenants, he will be saved.
I really like this and I think about it often. We live in a spiritually dangerous world. There are so many different ways to fall off the path or be deceived. Sometimes it scares me. I worry about whether I will be deceived at some point. I worry about my children and their future.As I pray about it, my answer is consistent: Continue in faith. Read the scriptures. Pray. Attend church. Follow the prophet.
The most basic, fundamental daily habits and actions of an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will keep me safe. There's no secret formula. It's spelled out for me in simple terms. I teach my children those very basic things with the hope that they will also be safe.
The most important thing in the world to me is to keep the covenants I've made with Heavenly Father. In the covenants, I find safety and peace. I have a testimony that Christ has restored His church on the earth again. I guard my testimony carefully. I want to learn and am always seeking the truth. I have learned that the sources I use to find truth make all the difference. There are valid history sources and valid doctrinal sources. Because of the value I place on my testimony, I have learned to carefully sift through the options and put my trust in the sources that are honest, faithful, and valid.
I believe in a very personal Savior. Being saved begins with being safe. Keeping my covenants and carefully guarding my testimony keep me safe.
My friend told me that when he was a missionary, he was often asked the question, "Have you been saved?" He answered, "I'm safe." And then he would explain about covenants and how his covenants keep him safe. If he endures and continues to keep his covenants, he will be saved.
I really like this and I think about it often. We live in a spiritually dangerous world. There are so many different ways to fall off the path or be deceived. Sometimes it scares me. I worry about whether I will be deceived at some point. I worry about my children and their future.As I pray about it, my answer is consistent: Continue in faith. Read the scriptures. Pray. Attend church. Follow the prophet.
The most basic, fundamental daily habits and actions of an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will keep me safe. There's no secret formula. It's spelled out for me in simple terms. I teach my children those very basic things with the hope that they will also be safe.
The most important thing in the world to me is to keep the covenants I've made with Heavenly Father. In the covenants, I find safety and peace. I have a testimony that Christ has restored His church on the earth again. I guard my testimony carefully. I want to learn and am always seeking the truth. I have learned that the sources I use to find truth make all the difference. There are valid history sources and valid doctrinal sources. Because of the value I place on my testimony, I have learned to carefully sift through the options and put my trust in the sources that are honest, faithful, and valid.
I believe in a very personal Savior. Being saved begins with being safe. Keeping my covenants and carefully guarding my testimony keep me safe.
Mid-Life Philosophy--5
People Can Change
For many years, Chris worked at a residential treatment facility for at-risk teenagers. Some of those kids had done some pretty horrible things. The consequences of their actions were, in some cases, lifelong. I often thought about how much of life they had left to live. Was there no hope for their temporal future? How is that okay? They were so young.
As I got to know different boys, my testimony and understanding of the power of Christ's Atonement deepened. Logically, I know that because God cannot look on sin with the least degree of allowance, there can be no help for me without the Savior. If I have hope for myself, then it follows that there is hope for others. God forgives the repentant person. I know that for myself and I know it applies to other people.
Although I know what the statistics say, I have hope in the Atonement of Christ that people can change. People can become new, different, and better. Although the natural consequences of our decisions, even when we're young, can last and last, there is always hope. There is never a time to give up on someone else. With the help of Jesus Christ, people can change.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--6
The Key to Freedom
I live in a land of liberty. Freedom, perhaps more than anything else, is the value that unites us as a nation. We may have different ideas about how to go about ensuring our freedom, but we all want to be free. Freedom is attacked from both the outside and the inside. Our amazing military helps to protect us against the outside forces that would destroy our liberty. And I believe teachers are among those who protect us from the destructive forces on the inside.
My opinion is that education is the key to democracy. An educated people is a free people. Educated people will work to maintain their own rights and to guarantee liberty for all. This is why I shamelessly support the public school system. Oh, I have my doubts about aspects of "the system." But the whole idea of free schools open to every single child in the entire country--what a concept! It's brilliant! As I study history, I can't help but feel that the idea of public school is one of those ideals that set America apart from the beginning.
I am not saying teachers in any way replace the much more important role of parents in educating children. I feel passionately about the responsibility of parents to teach their children, especially about faith, morals, and social values. I feel so passionately about parents' responsibility that I educate my own children at home. However, this post is about my personal philosophy on the role of educating every single citizen.
I am grateful for the education I received from my public school teachers. I was lucky to be the fourth child in my family, which means my older siblings had weeded out the really good teachers from the mediocre ones. I knew, from their experience, which classes to take in my high school. Maybe that's why I had such a fantastic experience in school. I had my favorite teachers, of course. I remember them. If I had any duds, they've faded from memory. My public school experience prepared me well for my university education. I have no complaints.
I know some public schools are better than others. The ideal is to offer the same quality education to children no matter the socioeconomic level of their parents. We're working toward that ideal to make us equal in opportunity and set every person at liberty to choose their own path. It's not perfect, far from, but it's an ideal we can support. Every person deserves a chance to learn.
To me, learning is freedom.
I live in a land of liberty. Freedom, perhaps more than anything else, is the value that unites us as a nation. We may have different ideas about how to go about ensuring our freedom, but we all want to be free. Freedom is attacked from both the outside and the inside. Our amazing military helps to protect us against the outside forces that would destroy our liberty. And I believe teachers are among those who protect us from the destructive forces on the inside.
My opinion is that education is the key to democracy. An educated people is a free people. Educated people will work to maintain their own rights and to guarantee liberty for all. This is why I shamelessly support the public school system. Oh, I have my doubts about aspects of "the system." But the whole idea of free schools open to every single child in the entire country--what a concept! It's brilliant! As I study history, I can't help but feel that the idea of public school is one of those ideals that set America apart from the beginning.
I am not saying teachers in any way replace the much more important role of parents in educating children. I feel passionately about the responsibility of parents to teach their children, especially about faith, morals, and social values. I feel so passionately about parents' responsibility that I educate my own children at home. However, this post is about my personal philosophy on the role of educating every single citizen.
I am grateful for the education I received from my public school teachers. I was lucky to be the fourth child in my family, which means my older siblings had weeded out the really good teachers from the mediocre ones. I knew, from their experience, which classes to take in my high school. Maybe that's why I had such a fantastic experience in school. I had my favorite teachers, of course. I remember them. If I had any duds, they've faded from memory. My public school experience prepared me well for my university education. I have no complaints.
I know some public schools are better than others. The ideal is to offer the same quality education to children no matter the socioeconomic level of their parents. We're working toward that ideal to make us equal in opportunity and set every person at liberty to choose their own path. It's not perfect, far from, but it's an ideal we can support. Every person deserves a chance to learn.
To me, learning is freedom.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--7
An Inconvenient Truth
Like most new moms, when I had my first baby, my whole world started spinning around him. I was absorbed with taking care of him. I adored him. When he was about three months old, I hosted a baby shower for my sister. I decided to have a little fun with the invitations. They were handmade pop-up cards. They were very interactive. And they took some time to make. I was blissfully enjoying my creative process when I heard a little cry from the bedroom. My baby, it seems, had woken up from his nap. I felt frustrated. It surprised me. This was the first time I had felt frustration directed toward my perfect baby boy. I was very blessed that I immediately recognized that I wasn't frustrated with my baby; I was frustrated because I had been interrupted.
As motherhood goes on, I find that most (not all) of the time I am frustrated or short-tempered with my kids, it's because they are being inconvenient. If I am focused on them and their needs, they don't bother me. We get along great. But when they interrupt something I'm doing, I tend to snap at them. It's certainly not their fault.
This isn't to say that I need to pay all of my attention to the children all of the time. That's ridiculous. I am grateful to recognize that when they are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome, it is not necessarily because they, the children, are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome. It's usually because I have something else on my mind or something else to do.
Why is this something important enough for me to consider it one of my life philosophies? Because knowing that "it's not them, it's me" helps me be a little more patient. If I snap, I catch myself and apologize. I explain that I'm not frustrated with them, I'm frustrated because of some other reason. It's a good reminder to me and I use it often. I think it strengthens our relationships with each other. I don't use this as an excuse for my bad behavior. I use it as a reminder to stop myself from behaving badly.
Children are sometimes inconvenient. Lots of worthwhile things are inconvenient when I have a separate agenda. I am so grateful that I learned so early on to recognize the real reason for my frustration. The children are innocent when they ask for my attention. If I can't give them immediate attention, the least I can do is kindly explain why.
Like most new moms, when I had my first baby, my whole world started spinning around him. I was absorbed with taking care of him. I adored him. When he was about three months old, I hosted a baby shower for my sister. I decided to have a little fun with the invitations. They were handmade pop-up cards. They were very interactive. And they took some time to make. I was blissfully enjoying my creative process when I heard a little cry from the bedroom. My baby, it seems, had woken up from his nap. I felt frustrated. It surprised me. This was the first time I had felt frustration directed toward my perfect baby boy. I was very blessed that I immediately recognized that I wasn't frustrated with my baby; I was frustrated because I had been interrupted.
As motherhood goes on, I find that most (not all) of the time I am frustrated or short-tempered with my kids, it's because they are being inconvenient. If I am focused on them and their needs, they don't bother me. We get along great. But when they interrupt something I'm doing, I tend to snap at them. It's certainly not their fault.
This isn't to say that I need to pay all of my attention to the children all of the time. That's ridiculous. I am grateful to recognize that when they are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome, it is not necessarily because they, the children, are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome. It's usually because I have something else on my mind or something else to do.
Why is this something important enough for me to consider it one of my life philosophies? Because knowing that "it's not them, it's me" helps me be a little more patient. If I snap, I catch myself and apologize. I explain that I'm not frustrated with them, I'm frustrated because of some other reason. It's a good reminder to me and I use it often. I think it strengthens our relationships with each other. I don't use this as an excuse for my bad behavior. I use it as a reminder to stop myself from behaving badly.
Children are sometimes inconvenient. Lots of worthwhile things are inconvenient when I have a separate agenda. I am so grateful that I learned so early on to recognize the real reason for my frustration. The children are innocent when they ask for my attention. If I can't give them immediate attention, the least I can do is kindly explain why.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--8
Enjoy the Drive
Chris and I started taking road trips right after we got married. We like to go places, usually to see people, and the car is the most inexpensive way to get there. When Ammon was very, very little, we learned the important lesson that the drive is part of the vacation. For many of those quick trips, we spent as many days driving as we did at the vacation destination. We had better learn to enjoy the drive or we would be miserable!
There are perhaps three main things that we do to enjoy the drive:
1. Take things to do in the car. Sometimes I have spent a lot of time packing our car entertainment. Maps for the kids to mark, books to read aloud or books on cd, pictures, magazines, coloring, snack bags, music, etc. All of it makes the trip enjoyable. The key here is that I have to interact with the children. They may have packs of activities, but it all works best if I interact with them, too. Chris and I have had some of our best conversations while driving in the car. Instead of driving as fast as we can to enjoy family time once we get there, we enjoy the family time that we have on the way.
2. Look out the windows. There is beauty everywhere. I admit having a hard time in certain locations. But most places I have been have a beauty of their own. To me, the best word to describe Nebraska is pleasant. Southern Utah is breathtaking for my inner-geologist. I have figured out why New Jersey is called the garden state. I love farmland, orchards, vineyards, empty spaces, desert, mountains, ocean views, and the occasional city. It makes a drive so much more enjoyable if we look out the windows and appreciate where we are.
3. Stop once in a while. I was talking about road trips with friends the other night. They were describing screaming babies and toddlers, trying to hold a bottle for a baby in the back seat, or sitting next to a baby in a car seat and trying to nurse her. I said, "We just go to a rest stop." They said but then you are there for an hour! Yes, we are. We have found little parks in small towns in Nevada for picnics and playgrounds. Some states have little walks or hikes at their rest stops. An hour seems to be sufficient for our kids. When we drove from Utah to New York, we planned very specifically so we could stop to visit our brothers, a cousin, and close friends. We planned to stop at historical sites along the way. We didn't have a lot of time, but we planned enough time to make the drive a vacation.
In my last area on my mission, we got to have a car. My companion usually drove. Sometimes she would get impatient with the traffic or whatever. I remember several times saying, "We're not in a hurry." That was always true. We had enough time. I still find myself saying that to Chris on occasion. (Although sometimes we are in a hurry.) We seem to live far away from everything here. It takes an twenty-five minutes to drive to our church building. It takes about an hour to drive to the temple. Instead of complaining about that time, we can look out the windows and talk to each other. I try to enjoy the drive, whether short or long, and I think this little philosophy has improved my family relationships and made life more pleasant.
Chris and I started taking road trips right after we got married. We like to go places, usually to see people, and the car is the most inexpensive way to get there. When Ammon was very, very little, we learned the important lesson that the drive is part of the vacation. For many of those quick trips, we spent as many days driving as we did at the vacation destination. We had better learn to enjoy the drive or we would be miserable!
There are perhaps three main things that we do to enjoy the drive:
1. Take things to do in the car. Sometimes I have spent a lot of time packing our car entertainment. Maps for the kids to mark, books to read aloud or books on cd, pictures, magazines, coloring, snack bags, music, etc. All of it makes the trip enjoyable. The key here is that I have to interact with the children. They may have packs of activities, but it all works best if I interact with them, too. Chris and I have had some of our best conversations while driving in the car. Instead of driving as fast as we can to enjoy family time once we get there, we enjoy the family time that we have on the way.
2. Look out the windows. There is beauty everywhere. I admit having a hard time in certain locations. But most places I have been have a beauty of their own. To me, the best word to describe Nebraska is pleasant. Southern Utah is breathtaking for my inner-geologist. I have figured out why New Jersey is called the garden state. I love farmland, orchards, vineyards, empty spaces, desert, mountains, ocean views, and the occasional city. It makes a drive so much more enjoyable if we look out the windows and appreciate where we are.
3. Stop once in a while. I was talking about road trips with friends the other night. They were describing screaming babies and toddlers, trying to hold a bottle for a baby in the back seat, or sitting next to a baby in a car seat and trying to nurse her. I said, "We just go to a rest stop." They said but then you are there for an hour! Yes, we are. We have found little parks in small towns in Nevada for picnics and playgrounds. Some states have little walks or hikes at their rest stops. An hour seems to be sufficient for our kids. When we drove from Utah to New York, we planned very specifically so we could stop to visit our brothers, a cousin, and close friends. We planned to stop at historical sites along the way. We didn't have a lot of time, but we planned enough time to make the drive a vacation.
In my last area on my mission, we got to have a car. My companion usually drove. Sometimes she would get impatient with the traffic or whatever. I remember several times saying, "We're not in a hurry." That was always true. We had enough time. I still find myself saying that to Chris on occasion. (Although sometimes we are in a hurry.) We seem to live far away from everything here. It takes an twenty-five minutes to drive to our church building. It takes about an hour to drive to the temple. Instead of complaining about that time, we can look out the windows and talk to each other. I try to enjoy the drive, whether short or long, and I think this little philosophy has improved my family relationships and made life more pleasant.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--9
Highest Common Denominator
You've heard the phrase "When in Rome, do as the Romans do," right? Yes, yes, I've heard it, too. This is my take on that phrase. Never, ever should I lower my own standards. Never. However, if I'm with someone whose standards are stricter than mine, I abide by them. This is especially true when we involve children.
One of my sisters eats no chocolate. She doesn't let her kids have chocolate. So, when I'm with her, I serve no chocolate. I guess I'm not that strict about it because if someone else brings a chocolate dish, I'll eat it. But as for what I bring, I figure there are plenty of foodstuffs out there that don't have chocolate in them. So many options. I can easily choose something non-chocolaty when we're together.
My brother- and sister-in-law don't let their kids watch any television. We don't see each other that often and I think it's such a small thing to go without t.v. for a week when we're together. I can make it easy for their children to obey their family rules. It's so frustrating to be the only strict mom in a large group. I know how that feels. I think it's common courtesy to uphold someone else's rules when you're together.
I really appreciate it when people respect my family's rules. My oldest son was invited to a party recently. Knowing that we are fairly strict (depending on the comparison), the mother messaged me to ask if a certain movie was acceptable. It was. She made it clear that if it wasn't okay with me, her son would choose something else to do. How great is it when people can respect each other that way! I love it.
The concessions I make are very simple and hardly affect my family at all. Hopefully, I can make it easier for other parents if I respect their family rules while we are together. I am certainly grateful when my friends do that for me.
You've heard the phrase "When in Rome, do as the Romans do," right? Yes, yes, I've heard it, too. This is my take on that phrase. Never, ever should I lower my own standards. Never. However, if I'm with someone whose standards are stricter than mine, I abide by them. This is especially true when we involve children.
One of my sisters eats no chocolate. She doesn't let her kids have chocolate. So, when I'm with her, I serve no chocolate. I guess I'm not that strict about it because if someone else brings a chocolate dish, I'll eat it. But as for what I bring, I figure there are plenty of foodstuffs out there that don't have chocolate in them. So many options. I can easily choose something non-chocolaty when we're together.
My brother- and sister-in-law don't let their kids watch any television. We don't see each other that often and I think it's such a small thing to go without t.v. for a week when we're together. I can make it easy for their children to obey their family rules. It's so frustrating to be the only strict mom in a large group. I know how that feels. I think it's common courtesy to uphold someone else's rules when you're together.
I really appreciate it when people respect my family's rules. My oldest son was invited to a party recently. Knowing that we are fairly strict (depending on the comparison), the mother messaged me to ask if a certain movie was acceptable. It was. She made it clear that if it wasn't okay with me, her son would choose something else to do. How great is it when people can respect each other that way! I love it.
The concessions I make are very simple and hardly affect my family at all. Hopefully, I can make it easier for other parents if I respect their family rules while we are together. I am certainly grateful when my friends do that for me.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--10
Maintaining My Image
When I graduated from BYU, the university awarded a couple of honorary doctorates. One of the recipients, who did not share our religious affiliation, was a commencement speaker. His speech was meant to be lighthearted and entertaining. Parts of it were very funny but other parts were inappropriate, especially in the religious setting of BYU. It was better suited for late-night television. After graduation, we went out to dinner. We talked a bit about this speech. I mentioned that from where I was sitting, I could see President Monson's reaction to everything said. During genuinely funny parts of the speech, he threw his head back and laughed. During those parts that were even slightly questionable, he did not even smile. Knowing that President Monson was on a stage in front of thousands of people, one of our friends said, "I bet those guys need to be really careful about their image."
Later that night, I mentioned to my sister that I didn't really like the thought that President Monson was carefully protecting his image. My sister said, "He doesn't have to worry about his image. He is his image." There Rachel is again, being wise.
I've thought a lot about what Rachel said. What a great thing it is to be your image--never have to worry about behaving inappropriately because you are genuinely a good person. I admit to being on my best behavior at times. I still have to filter out some things before I speak or act. And that's okay. I'm learning and growing. My goal is to become my image (and have that image be a good one). I'm not dishonest in the way I present myself. I try to be the same in the dark and in the light, at home and in public, on my own and in a crowd. This is the basis of integrity. But sometimes I have to think it through. Aspects of being my best self come very naturally. Other thoughts and behaviors come more naturally as I grow closer to my Savior. I'm not quite where I want to be yet.
One of Shakespeare's more popular lines is, "To thine own self be true." Sometimes this philosophy is used to justify bad behavior because a person is being true to whatever image she thinks she wants to promote. Honestly, we're all pretty complicated. We can choose different parts of ourselves to hold up and to develop. I choose to develop the truest part of me.
We are all children of God. I believe that wholeheartedly. We each have a divine nature and a divine destiny. We have inherited something of God's goodness within our souls. To become the truest me I can be, I need to discover my truest self. I lived before I was born. Heavenly Father knows me so much better than I know myself. The closer I am to my Heavenly Father, the better I can know who I really am. As I discover my own divine nature, I discover the true me. I want to embrace that me. I want to be true to myself. The best way to do that is by being true to God.
My image, the person I present to the world, is my choice. I want it to be a true, honest image of who I really am. And who I really am is a child of the Most High God. When I am close to Him, I come to know myself. Through the Atonement of my Savior, my behaviors change and my character changes. I progress toward my divine potential. I am my image.
When I graduated from BYU, the university awarded a couple of honorary doctorates. One of the recipients, who did not share our religious affiliation, was a commencement speaker. His speech was meant to be lighthearted and entertaining. Parts of it were very funny but other parts were inappropriate, especially in the religious setting of BYU. It was better suited for late-night television. After graduation, we went out to dinner. We talked a bit about this speech. I mentioned that from where I was sitting, I could see President Monson's reaction to everything said. During genuinely funny parts of the speech, he threw his head back and laughed. During those parts that were even slightly questionable, he did not even smile. Knowing that President Monson was on a stage in front of thousands of people, one of our friends said, "I bet those guys need to be really careful about their image."
Later that night, I mentioned to my sister that I didn't really like the thought that President Monson was carefully protecting his image. My sister said, "He doesn't have to worry about his image. He is his image." There Rachel is again, being wise.
I've thought a lot about what Rachel said. What a great thing it is to be your image--never have to worry about behaving inappropriately because you are genuinely a good person. I admit to being on my best behavior at times. I still have to filter out some things before I speak or act. And that's okay. I'm learning and growing. My goal is to become my image (and have that image be a good one). I'm not dishonest in the way I present myself. I try to be the same in the dark and in the light, at home and in public, on my own and in a crowd. This is the basis of integrity. But sometimes I have to think it through. Aspects of being my best self come very naturally. Other thoughts and behaviors come more naturally as I grow closer to my Savior. I'm not quite where I want to be yet.
One of Shakespeare's more popular lines is, "To thine own self be true." Sometimes this philosophy is used to justify bad behavior because a person is being true to whatever image she thinks she wants to promote. Honestly, we're all pretty complicated. We can choose different parts of ourselves to hold up and to develop. I choose to develop the truest part of me.
We are all children of God. I believe that wholeheartedly. We each have a divine nature and a divine destiny. We have inherited something of God's goodness within our souls. To become the truest me I can be, I need to discover my truest self. I lived before I was born. Heavenly Father knows me so much better than I know myself. The closer I am to my Heavenly Father, the better I can know who I really am. As I discover my own divine nature, I discover the true me. I want to embrace that me. I want to be true to myself. The best way to do that is by being true to God.
My image, the person I present to the world, is my choice. I want it to be a true, honest image of who I really am. And who I really am is a child of the Most High God. When I am close to Him, I come to know myself. Through the Atonement of my Savior, my behaviors change and my character changes. I progress toward my divine potential. I am my image.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--11
Real Life
When I was in the Missionary Training Center, Elder Holland spoke to us. It was a long time ago and I don't remember much. One part really stood out. I will paraphrase because my memory is not perfect. He said, "I don't want to ever hear a missionary say, 'When I get back to real life...' or 'When I get back to the real world...' THIS IS REAL LIFE! This is what life is all about! There will be a time when this is all we do for eternity." (The this he is speaking of is assisting in the Lord's work.)
I really love this perspective on life. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I can be burdened with the mundane labors and requirements of mortality: bills, groceries, making dinner, insurance, utilities, leaky faucets, etc. It takes a toll on me. I am not saying those things don't matter, because they do, but they are secondary to what real life is about.
The world is so much bigger than me. The things that really matter are huge. When I think about the politics of the dominant social issues of our day, I feel like the arguments and logic of the trending philosophies are very convincing. I have to step back and remind myself that this little bit of the world is just that--a little bit. Real life is big. It is bigger than me. It is bigger than any social issue. It is bigger than this whole world. Real life is the stuff of eternity.
A few years ago, I was speaking to a friend who had fallen away from his faith. One Sunday, he returned to church and found himself thinking that the people there all lived in a little bubble, unaware of the "real world" outside. This conversation was fresh in my mind when I watched General Conference. At that meeting, I heard one of our apostles speak about drug abuse. He listed different popular drugs and their effects, both temporary and permanent. As he spoke, I turned to my sister and said, "How can anyone think these old men are out of touch? He is so aware of what is going on in the world." My sister said, "As a prophet and seer, he can see much more than we can. We are the ones who are out of touch."
My sister (it's you, Rachel) is wise. I know I believe in living prophets, but after Rachel taught me in this way, I began to look at the world a little differently. I see now that we all live in a bubble of our own making. The only ones outside the bubble and able to see the "real world" are those who see through the Spirit.
So, the philosophy of mine is to remember that eternity is real life and that life is bigger than what I see right around me. There is so much more. I want to look beyond my bubble and see the big picture. On occasion, the Lord has granted me a glimpse, a feeling, of how grand His plan is. The ways I serve in His kingdom are the things that matter most now and will matter forever.
When I was in the Missionary Training Center, Elder Holland spoke to us. It was a long time ago and I don't remember much. One part really stood out. I will paraphrase because my memory is not perfect. He said, "I don't want to ever hear a missionary say, 'When I get back to real life...' or 'When I get back to the real world...' THIS IS REAL LIFE! This is what life is all about! There will be a time when this is all we do for eternity." (The this he is speaking of is assisting in the Lord's work.)
I really love this perspective on life. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I can be burdened with the mundane labors and requirements of mortality: bills, groceries, making dinner, insurance, utilities, leaky faucets, etc. It takes a toll on me. I am not saying those things don't matter, because they do, but they are secondary to what real life is about.
The world is so much bigger than me. The things that really matter are huge. When I think about the politics of the dominant social issues of our day, I feel like the arguments and logic of the trending philosophies are very convincing. I have to step back and remind myself that this little bit of the world is just that--a little bit. Real life is big. It is bigger than me. It is bigger than any social issue. It is bigger than this whole world. Real life is the stuff of eternity.
A few years ago, I was speaking to a friend who had fallen away from his faith. One Sunday, he returned to church and found himself thinking that the people there all lived in a little bubble, unaware of the "real world" outside. This conversation was fresh in my mind when I watched General Conference. At that meeting, I heard one of our apostles speak about drug abuse. He listed different popular drugs and their effects, both temporary and permanent. As he spoke, I turned to my sister and said, "How can anyone think these old men are out of touch? He is so aware of what is going on in the world." My sister said, "As a prophet and seer, he can see much more than we can. We are the ones who are out of touch."
My sister (it's you, Rachel) is wise. I know I believe in living prophets, but after Rachel taught me in this way, I began to look at the world a little differently. I see now that we all live in a bubble of our own making. The only ones outside the bubble and able to see the "real world" are those who see through the Spirit.
So, the philosophy of mine is to remember that eternity is real life and that life is bigger than what I see right around me. There is so much more. I want to look beyond my bubble and see the big picture. On occasion, the Lord has granted me a glimpse, a feeling, of how grand His plan is. The ways I serve in His kingdom are the things that matter most now and will matter forever.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--12
No Regrets
My brother, best friend, favorite cousin, other cousins and friends and I all were on our missions at the same time. Several of us (maybe not all of us) signed our letters to each other with the phrase: "No regrets!" Our idea was that we would serve honorably and completely so we could return home without regrets. (I guess that was self-explanatory.) A couple weeks before I was to return home, I was tracting with another missionary. She asked me, "So, do you have any regrets?" I thought about that for a few minutes before I could respond. I answered honestly, "No. There are things I would do differently if I could go back, but I was just learning."
At this point, when I think about my mission, there are plenty of things I would do differently now. Now that I am much more mature (trust me!). Now that I have more life experience. Now that I have a better understanding of gospel principles. Now that I have a deeper testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am pretty sure I could be a better missionary now. However, I have no regrets for the way I served then. I did my best. I learned; I progressed; I testified; I grew.
"No regrets" is the way I want to look at all my life. As a teenager, I was very forward-thinking. I wasn't one to embrace the "seize the moment" or "you only live once" mantra. I had lots of fun, but I always knew I'd be accountable later. Being forward-thinking helped me avoid a lot of regret.
I have made tons of mistakes in my life. I make them every day. I know what it is to repent in sorrow. I know how it feels to be forgiven of God and have a return of light and peace. I also know that I can forgive myself and move forward. That is an essential part of living without regret--being able to move forward and let things go. That is part of what I meant when I told the other missionary that "I was just learning." Repentance is part of the learning process of life.
Sometimes older women look at young mothers and give them advice to treasure every moment. That advice has been mocked by my generation. The thinking is that old women don't remember how hectic life is when you have babies and toddlers. One of the fundamental things I have learned about living with no regrets is to listen to those who have gone before. They have good advice (mostly). At this point, as my children are no longer little, I am so glad I took the advice to treasure those days and moments that pass so quickly. And when I have a bad day (which I have all too often), I choose to repent, start fresh, be better, and let the bad day go.
Is my life 100% without regret? Are you kidding? No way! I do try to think about the future and enjoy the present with discipline and forgiveness (for myself and other people). In all of this, I trust and rely on my Savior, who provides the only way to live a life of peace with real hope in the future. He forgives and guides me as I move forward.
My brother, best friend, favorite cousin, other cousins and friends and I all were on our missions at the same time. Several of us (maybe not all of us) signed our letters to each other with the phrase: "No regrets!" Our idea was that we would serve honorably and completely so we could return home without regrets. (I guess that was self-explanatory.) A couple weeks before I was to return home, I was tracting with another missionary. She asked me, "So, do you have any regrets?" I thought about that for a few minutes before I could respond. I answered honestly, "No. There are things I would do differently if I could go back, but I was just learning."
At this point, when I think about my mission, there are plenty of things I would do differently now. Now that I am much more mature (trust me!). Now that I have more life experience. Now that I have a better understanding of gospel principles. Now that I have a deeper testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am pretty sure I could be a better missionary now. However, I have no regrets for the way I served then. I did my best. I learned; I progressed; I testified; I grew.
"No regrets" is the way I want to look at all my life. As a teenager, I was very forward-thinking. I wasn't one to embrace the "seize the moment" or "you only live once" mantra. I had lots of fun, but I always knew I'd be accountable later. Being forward-thinking helped me avoid a lot of regret.
I have made tons of mistakes in my life. I make them every day. I know what it is to repent in sorrow. I know how it feels to be forgiven of God and have a return of light and peace. I also know that I can forgive myself and move forward. That is an essential part of living without regret--being able to move forward and let things go. That is part of what I meant when I told the other missionary that "I was just learning." Repentance is part of the learning process of life.
Sometimes older women look at young mothers and give them advice to treasure every moment. That advice has been mocked by my generation. The thinking is that old women don't remember how hectic life is when you have babies and toddlers. One of the fundamental things I have learned about living with no regrets is to listen to those who have gone before. They have good advice (mostly). At this point, as my children are no longer little, I am so glad I took the advice to treasure those days and moments that pass so quickly. And when I have a bad day (which I have all too often), I choose to repent, start fresh, be better, and let the bad day go.
Is my life 100% without regret? Are you kidding? No way! I do try to think about the future and enjoy the present with discipline and forgiveness (for myself and other people). In all of this, I trust and rely on my Savior, who provides the only way to live a life of peace with real hope in the future. He forgives and guides me as I move forward.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--13
Practically Perfect in Every Way
Have you ever received a compliment that changed the way you did things? One day, my second grade teacher told me I looked pretty in blue. According to my mom, I wore blue every day for the rest of the school year. At a mission conference, my mission president taught us about gifts of the Spirit. There are many spiritual gifts that are not listed in the scriptures. He pointed out a few missionaries and identified some of their specific gifts. He told me, "One of your great gifts is that you are practical."
I've thought a lot about that. It's not the most exciting characteristic. I remember joking with my companion that when I got home from my mission, I'd use it as a pick-up line: "Hey, baby. I'm practical." Once again, I make myself laugh. Even at the time, though, I knew it was desirable. I've embraced being practical.
When I have a choice to make, my decision usually follows the practical path. When Chris or one of the kids suggests a plan or an idea, I find myself agreeing on the basis of the plan's practicality. I guess what I'm trying to say is I value being practical, logical, and simply doing what makes good sense.
It has been a good balance for me to marry Chris, who is impulsive, creative, and emotional. He can help me to see when there is more to life than being practical. Hopefully, I help to tame him a little, because honestly, being practical is a great way to be.
Have you ever received a compliment that changed the way you did things? One day, my second grade teacher told me I looked pretty in blue. According to my mom, I wore blue every day for the rest of the school year. At a mission conference, my mission president taught us about gifts of the Spirit. There are many spiritual gifts that are not listed in the scriptures. He pointed out a few missionaries and identified some of their specific gifts. He told me, "One of your great gifts is that you are practical."
I've thought a lot about that. It's not the most exciting characteristic. I remember joking with my companion that when I got home from my mission, I'd use it as a pick-up line: "Hey, baby. I'm practical." Once again, I make myself laugh. Even at the time, though, I knew it was desirable. I've embraced being practical.
When I have a choice to make, my decision usually follows the practical path. When Chris or one of the kids suggests a plan or an idea, I find myself agreeing on the basis of the plan's practicality. I guess what I'm trying to say is I value being practical, logical, and simply doing what makes good sense.
It has been a good balance for me to marry Chris, who is impulsive, creative, and emotional. He can help me to see when there is more to life than being practical. Hopefully, I help to tame him a little, because honestly, being practical is a great way to be.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--14
Being Excellent
When my children were very, very small, I felt like my life consisted of laundry and dishes. Dishes and laundry. All the time. I decided that if laundry and dishes were going to be the defining activities of that period of life, I would be excellent at laundry and dishes. I took care to load the dishwasher in patterns. Everything can be beautiful. I've always enjoyed folding clothes, so it was easy and fun to take extra care to make the folded clothes beautiful.
When I say I decided to be excellent at it, it doesn't mean that I always get it done in a timely fashion or that I never fall behind. What I mean is that as I do these menial chores, I make them beautiful. I feel that in some ways, these kinds of chores represent a very pure form of service. You only really notice the dishes or laundry if they haven't been done, not if they have. In that way, both jobs are pretty thankless. Especially when my children were very small, I would often do these chores alone, in the quiet evenings after they were in bed. It was unnoticed.
I need to point out that because of Chris, these jobs are never thankless here. Chris thanks me every single week when I wash the clothes.
I need to be perfectly honest even if it sounds cheesy. I have had some remarkably spiritual experiences as I have performed these services for my children and husband. The Lord has testified to me that my work, no matter how small, is important, is acceptable to Him, and is a reflection of the love I have for my family. I love to serve my family.
I am so grateful that the Lord taught me to be excellent behind the scenes and recognize service in all its forms. I was called to serve as ward librarian several years ago. Ward librarian is a calling that is unnoticed and in a lot of ways, thankless. The only time people pay attention is when the copy machine is broken. I took the lessons I had learned from my laundry and applied it to my calling. As I served quietly, behind the scenes, the Lord blessed me with a deepened understanding of service in His kingdom.
Service is a wonderful part of life. No matter how seemingly insignificant, if I do my best work, with my heart right before God, I can grow closer to Him. Excellence, not perfection, helps me make my menial chores meaningful.
When my children were very, very small, I felt like my life consisted of laundry and dishes. Dishes and laundry. All the time. I decided that if laundry and dishes were going to be the defining activities of that period of life, I would be excellent at laundry and dishes. I took care to load the dishwasher in patterns. Everything can be beautiful. I've always enjoyed folding clothes, so it was easy and fun to take extra care to make the folded clothes beautiful.
When I say I decided to be excellent at it, it doesn't mean that I always get it done in a timely fashion or that I never fall behind. What I mean is that as I do these menial chores, I make them beautiful. I feel that in some ways, these kinds of chores represent a very pure form of service. You only really notice the dishes or laundry if they haven't been done, not if they have. In that way, both jobs are pretty thankless. Especially when my children were very small, I would often do these chores alone, in the quiet evenings after they were in bed. It was unnoticed.
I need to point out that because of Chris, these jobs are never thankless here. Chris thanks me every single week when I wash the clothes.
I need to be perfectly honest even if it sounds cheesy. I have had some remarkably spiritual experiences as I have performed these services for my children and husband. The Lord has testified to me that my work, no matter how small, is important, is acceptable to Him, and is a reflection of the love I have for my family. I love to serve my family.
I am so grateful that the Lord taught me to be excellent behind the scenes and recognize service in all its forms. I was called to serve as ward librarian several years ago. Ward librarian is a calling that is unnoticed and in a lot of ways, thankless. The only time people pay attention is when the copy machine is broken. I took the lessons I had learned from my laundry and applied it to my calling. As I served quietly, behind the scenes, the Lord blessed me with a deepened understanding of service in His kingdom.
Service is a wonderful part of life. No matter how seemingly insignificant, if I do my best work, with my heart right before God, I can grow closer to Him. Excellence, not perfection, helps me make my menial chores meaningful.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--15
What do you think I'm going to say?
This is something I say to myself. It is helpful in making decisions. It is helpful in discerning what should be a priority. I love this saying.
This is not my story. This story belongs to an elder I taught at the MTC. It's not the best teaching tool to share a secondhand story. These are my life philosophies, and this is a statement that has helped to shape my life. I will summarize the elder's story. He had trouble deciding whether to serve a mission. He had an amazing opportunity to meet the prophet, President Hinckley. The elder said something like, "I'm trying to decide whether to serve a mission." President Hinckley responded, "And what do you think I'm going to say?" He then promised the elder, "Go on a mission. You'll never regret it and the Lord will bless you."
To me, President Hinckley's initial response reflects the essence of obedience. We can come up with legitimate reasons, not just flimsy excuses, as to why the rules or commandments don't apply in our personal situations. The elder in this story certainly had a legitimate reason. But I imagine myself meeting the prophet or the Lord and asking whether He thinks a particular rule or commandment applies to me. In my imagination, the response is, "What do you think I'm going to say?"
The fact is that I believe that there is a prophet on the earth today. I believe the Lord reveals His will to me through the living prophets and apostles. If I truly believe that (and I do), then the commandments and rules apply to me. When I serve in the Church, I try to follow the guidelines in the Handbook as closely as I can. I've served in youth and primary programs of varying sizes. Whether big or small, it is easy to question whether the Church's guidelines apply in our particular circumstance. Then the words come to my mind, "What do you think I'm going to say?"
We are fairly strict at home about our family scripture study and family home evening and family prayer. We can easily come up with reasons, including our sometimes very busy life, as to why those "guidelines" don't apply to us. But then I think, "What do you think I'm going to say?" And I realize that those guidelines, counsel, and commandments apply to me.
Some of the things asked of me, including visiting teaching and attending weekly activities, are more difficult to do here in New York than they were in Utah. That is only because of travel time. I guess I could use travel time as an excuse to not do what I'm supposed to do. However, I'm pretty sure the same expectations apply to me here as applied to me in Utah.
President Packer teaches us to look to the rule before we look to the exception. It has consistently blessed my life when I have found a way to obey the rule instead of looking for excuses. When the Lord gives commandments, He prepares a way for us to obey.
I am grateful that I married someone who understands the beauty of obedience to the Lord's commandments. It makes our married life so easy. My dad once told me that I was blessed with an obedient nature. I know this is not everyone's blessing. It is more difficult for some than others. However, it is possible. Obedience is a choice based on faith. I show my faith through my obedience.
This is something I say to myself. It is helpful in making decisions. It is helpful in discerning what should be a priority. I love this saying.
This is not my story. This story belongs to an elder I taught at the MTC. It's not the best teaching tool to share a secondhand story. These are my life philosophies, and this is a statement that has helped to shape my life. I will summarize the elder's story. He had trouble deciding whether to serve a mission. He had an amazing opportunity to meet the prophet, President Hinckley. The elder said something like, "I'm trying to decide whether to serve a mission." President Hinckley responded, "And what do you think I'm going to say?" He then promised the elder, "Go on a mission. You'll never regret it and the Lord will bless you."
To me, President Hinckley's initial response reflects the essence of obedience. We can come up with legitimate reasons, not just flimsy excuses, as to why the rules or commandments don't apply in our personal situations. The elder in this story certainly had a legitimate reason. But I imagine myself meeting the prophet or the Lord and asking whether He thinks a particular rule or commandment applies to me. In my imagination, the response is, "What do you think I'm going to say?"
The fact is that I believe that there is a prophet on the earth today. I believe the Lord reveals His will to me through the living prophets and apostles. If I truly believe that (and I do), then the commandments and rules apply to me. When I serve in the Church, I try to follow the guidelines in the Handbook as closely as I can. I've served in youth and primary programs of varying sizes. Whether big or small, it is easy to question whether the Church's guidelines apply in our particular circumstance. Then the words come to my mind, "What do you think I'm going to say?"
We are fairly strict at home about our family scripture study and family home evening and family prayer. We can easily come up with reasons, including our sometimes very busy life, as to why those "guidelines" don't apply to us. But then I think, "What do you think I'm going to say?" And I realize that those guidelines, counsel, and commandments apply to me.
Some of the things asked of me, including visiting teaching and attending weekly activities, are more difficult to do here in New York than they were in Utah. That is only because of travel time. I guess I could use travel time as an excuse to not do what I'm supposed to do. However, I'm pretty sure the same expectations apply to me here as applied to me in Utah.
President Packer teaches us to look to the rule before we look to the exception. It has consistently blessed my life when I have found a way to obey the rule instead of looking for excuses. When the Lord gives commandments, He prepares a way for us to obey.
I am grateful that I married someone who understands the beauty of obedience to the Lord's commandments. It makes our married life so easy. My dad once told me that I was blessed with an obedient nature. I know this is not everyone's blessing. It is more difficult for some than others. However, it is possible. Obedience is a choice based on faith. I show my faith through my obedience.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--16
Relationships are worth the effort
Today we had a little goodbye party for some friends. He has a job with an international company. Their United States assignment was one year and now they move on to Mexico. I am very sad that they are moving.
I thought today about my college roommates. We used to joke about someday buying houses on the same cul-de-sac so we could be neighbors and raise our children together. Today I thought about how big my imaginary cul-de-sac has become. There are so many people who are meaningful in my life. Sometimes I wish we could all live near each other.
I have said a lot of goodbyes in my life. Sometimes, it may have been easier to choose not to become so attached in the first place. In the case of my friends who are moving to Mexico--I knew when we met them that they would only be here for one year. It didn't take long before I also knew that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them during that year. I guess I could have chosen not to bother making friends, but I'm so glad I chose to go to the effort. My life has been enriched through knowing them. Our children genuinely enjoy each other and have a good bond. It has been a very healthy relationship.
This philosophy is something I think about often. Relationships are worth the effort. When we lived in Utah, Chris and I would travel to California at least once (more often twice or more) a year to visit his family. It was worth the effort and expense every single time. Our children have solid relationships with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. While living in Utah, I went out of my way to build relationships with my sisters and brother who lived in the area. When given the opportunity, I have traveled to other states to visit my brothers. If we had spare money, we would spend it traveling to visit our family.
Relationships are worth the effort. There is something magnificent and meaningful about living a life filled with loved ones. Whether they are good friends or family, it is worth the time and effort to stay connected. Why do I use Facebook? It's not to share recipes or political opinions. (Although I enjoy knowing what is important to my friends.) It's because I want to stay connected to important people in my life. Why do I send Christmas cards and letters? It gives me an opportunity once a year to reconnect with important people.
Staying connected is not really an easy thing. It's a good thing and a fun thing, but it's not always easy. It would be much easier to worry more about our little world here and now. Some people, quite frankly, are difficult and it would be easier to cut them out. (I don't have anyone who is so difficult as to be abusive or anything like that.) But I am confident that relationships are worth the effort.
Friendships whether with family or others give my life incredible meaning. I am so thankful for good friends who also make the effort to maintain our relationships.
Today we had a little goodbye party for some friends. He has a job with an international company. Their United States assignment was one year and now they move on to Mexico. I am very sad that they are moving.
I thought today about my college roommates. We used to joke about someday buying houses on the same cul-de-sac so we could be neighbors and raise our children together. Today I thought about how big my imaginary cul-de-sac has become. There are so many people who are meaningful in my life. Sometimes I wish we could all live near each other.
I have said a lot of goodbyes in my life. Sometimes, it may have been easier to choose not to become so attached in the first place. In the case of my friends who are moving to Mexico--I knew when we met them that they would only be here for one year. It didn't take long before I also knew that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them during that year. I guess I could have chosen not to bother making friends, but I'm so glad I chose to go to the effort. My life has been enriched through knowing them. Our children genuinely enjoy each other and have a good bond. It has been a very healthy relationship.
This philosophy is something I think about often. Relationships are worth the effort. When we lived in Utah, Chris and I would travel to California at least once (more often twice or more) a year to visit his family. It was worth the effort and expense every single time. Our children have solid relationships with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. While living in Utah, I went out of my way to build relationships with my sisters and brother who lived in the area. When given the opportunity, I have traveled to other states to visit my brothers. If we had spare money, we would spend it traveling to visit our family.
Relationships are worth the effort. There is something magnificent and meaningful about living a life filled with loved ones. Whether they are good friends or family, it is worth the time and effort to stay connected. Why do I use Facebook? It's not to share recipes or political opinions. (Although I enjoy knowing what is important to my friends.) It's because I want to stay connected to important people in my life. Why do I send Christmas cards and letters? It gives me an opportunity once a year to reconnect with important people.
Staying connected is not really an easy thing. It's a good thing and a fun thing, but it's not always easy. It would be much easier to worry more about our little world here and now. Some people, quite frankly, are difficult and it would be easier to cut them out. (I don't have anyone who is so difficult as to be abusive or anything like that.) But I am confident that relationships are worth the effort.
Friendships whether with family or others give my life incredible meaning. I am so thankful for good friends who also make the effort to maintain our relationships.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--17
Dressed for success
This may seem like a very strange philosophy coming from me. I dress very casually. Part of the reason for that is because I like to be comfortable. The major reason is because of budget. However, I have impeccable style in my mind.
I learned from my mom to always look my best. My best is different from my mom's best. She's a very classy person. My mom always showers, puts on make-up, does her hair, and gets dressed. She was never one to lounge around the house in lounging-around-the-house apparel. I, like I said, am much more casual than my mom. But I know that I feel better about myself when I am showered and dressed. I'm not too fussed about make-up, but I do comb my hair! Even when I had little babies and toddlers, I made sure to get a shower every single day. I would sometimes get up very early before Chris left for work so I could shower when he was home. Other times, I have showered during a favorite PBS Kids show or while the baby napped. I feel more productive and more worthwhile when I am clean and presentable.
I feel very strongly about dressing modestly. I believe the real reason for modesty carries weight for boys and girls, men and women. In other words, I expect my boys to dress modestly, too. I am fairly certain that the gospel principles of modesty apply equally to both genders. I believe that truly dressing modestly means that I am clean, presentable, and ready to serve. When a person dresses immodestly, it is easy to be turned inward--focusing on what other people think about you. When a person is modest, it is much easier to turn outward to serve others selflessly. The outward appearance reflects the inward motivation and attitude. I know this is true for me.
I also believe it is important to dress for the occasion. My parents taught me to wear my "Sunday best" when I attend concerts and plays. This is a dying behavior in society. But I'm still trying because I know that my behavior is a little classier when I am dressed a little better. I also believe it shows the performers that I respect the efforts they have put into the performance. A few weeks ago, my family watched General Conference from our home. Because we were essentially inviting the prophet into our home, we dressed a little nicer those two days. I do this because I sincerely believe it enhances the experience. Every Sunday, we partake of the sacrament. It is a sacred ordinance. While there are no rules or dress codes for church attendance, I choose to dress modestly and reverently for the Sabbath. It is such a little thing to ask myself to wear a dress, put a little extra effort into my appearance, and have my appearance reflect the sacred nature of the covenants I am renewing.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I am a stay-at-home, home schooling mom. We live on three acres with no neighbors at all. Sometimes Chris doesn't get home from work until after I am ready for bed. I have no one to impress. That is exactly my point. I am not trying to impress anyone. I want to look good because it makes me feel good. Whether I am at home, going out, and especially when I am going to church, I choose to dress appropriately.
This may seem like a very strange philosophy coming from me. I dress very casually. Part of the reason for that is because I like to be comfortable. The major reason is because of budget. However, I have impeccable style in my mind.
I learned from my mom to always look my best. My best is different from my mom's best. She's a very classy person. My mom always showers, puts on make-up, does her hair, and gets dressed. She was never one to lounge around the house in lounging-around-the-house apparel. I, like I said, am much more casual than my mom. But I know that I feel better about myself when I am showered and dressed. I'm not too fussed about make-up, but I do comb my hair! Even when I had little babies and toddlers, I made sure to get a shower every single day. I would sometimes get up very early before Chris left for work so I could shower when he was home. Other times, I have showered during a favorite PBS Kids show or while the baby napped. I feel more productive and more worthwhile when I am clean and presentable.
I feel very strongly about dressing modestly. I believe the real reason for modesty carries weight for boys and girls, men and women. In other words, I expect my boys to dress modestly, too. I am fairly certain that the gospel principles of modesty apply equally to both genders. I believe that truly dressing modestly means that I am clean, presentable, and ready to serve. When a person dresses immodestly, it is easy to be turned inward--focusing on what other people think about you. When a person is modest, it is much easier to turn outward to serve others selflessly. The outward appearance reflects the inward motivation and attitude. I know this is true for me.
I also believe it is important to dress for the occasion. My parents taught me to wear my "Sunday best" when I attend concerts and plays. This is a dying behavior in society. But I'm still trying because I know that my behavior is a little classier when I am dressed a little better. I also believe it shows the performers that I respect the efforts they have put into the performance. A few weeks ago, my family watched General Conference from our home. Because we were essentially inviting the prophet into our home, we dressed a little nicer those two days. I do this because I sincerely believe it enhances the experience. Every Sunday, we partake of the sacrament. It is a sacred ordinance. While there are no rules or dress codes for church attendance, I choose to dress modestly and reverently for the Sabbath. It is such a little thing to ask myself to wear a dress, put a little extra effort into my appearance, and have my appearance reflect the sacred nature of the covenants I am renewing.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I am a stay-at-home, home schooling mom. We live on three acres with no neighbors at all. Sometimes Chris doesn't get home from work until after I am ready for bed. I have no one to impress. That is exactly my point. I am not trying to impress anyone. I want to look good because it makes me feel good. Whether I am at home, going out, and especially when I am going to church, I choose to dress appropriately.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--18
If we're not nice, I don't think we're going to make it.
I remember a talk given by a General Authority many, many years ago. His name is Elder Hartman Rector, Jr. and the talk was called "Endure to the End in Charity." I only remember one part of the talk, but considering how long ago it was, that's pretty good. He said, "If we're not nice, I don't think we're going to make it."
(This line has been in my head for twenty years. I just searched for it on lds.org and I found it easy, easy, lemon squeezy. I'm really excited that my memory is that good. For now, anyway. Because I'm just in the middle, not old yet.)
This is another simple life philosophy. I believe it's important to be nice. I'm not always nice, but that's not because I don't think it's important. It's because I'm human.
It's easier to be nice when you know the basics of how someone else feels. I've worked at jobs where I had to call people on the phone--people who didn't want to be called. Because of this, I try to be nice to telemarketers. I've knocked on thousands of doors--of people who didn't want to answer. Because of this, I try to be nice to door-to-door salesmen or proselytizers or UPS delivery guys. I have worked fast food and had my share of mistakes. Because of this, I try to be nice to teenagers (or adults) who are having a bad day in the drive-through. I have worked retail...
I could go on and on. I have had my kids throw tantrums in quiet places. They've run around when they should sit still. I have had them refuse to eat food that was given to us. I can be nice to other moms, and their kids, when they are struggling with these familiar scenarios.
So, I want to be nice to strangers. It's even more important to be nice to people I know. I try to be nice on social media. I try to be nice to my family, my husband, my children. I try to be nice at church. I am naturally non-confrontational, so it may seem like a personality flaw, like I'm not sticking up for myself. That's not true. This is a conscious choice.
Here on this blog, I have a very small readership. Because of the very, very close relationship I share with the two of you who are reading, I know I have not always been nice to you. And I'm sorry. I'm still trying.
If I could be known by just one virtue, I would want it to be that I am nice. Actually, I'd prefer if you use the word kind. It seems classier somehow.
I remember a talk given by a General Authority many, many years ago. His name is Elder Hartman Rector, Jr. and the talk was called "Endure to the End in Charity." I only remember one part of the talk, but considering how long ago it was, that's pretty good. He said, "If we're not nice, I don't think we're going to make it."
(This line has been in my head for twenty years. I just searched for it on lds.org and I found it easy, easy, lemon squeezy. I'm really excited that my memory is that good. For now, anyway. Because I'm just in the middle, not old yet.)
This is another simple life philosophy. I believe it's important to be nice. I'm not always nice, but that's not because I don't think it's important. It's because I'm human.
It's easier to be nice when you know the basics of how someone else feels. I've worked at jobs where I had to call people on the phone--people who didn't want to be called. Because of this, I try to be nice to telemarketers. I've knocked on thousands of doors--of people who didn't want to answer. Because of this, I try to be nice to door-to-door salesmen or proselytizers or UPS delivery guys. I have worked fast food and had my share of mistakes. Because of this, I try to be nice to teenagers (or adults) who are having a bad day in the drive-through. I have worked retail...
I could go on and on. I have had my kids throw tantrums in quiet places. They've run around when they should sit still. I have had them refuse to eat food that was given to us. I can be nice to other moms, and their kids, when they are struggling with these familiar scenarios.
So, I want to be nice to strangers. It's even more important to be nice to people I know. I try to be nice on social media. I try to be nice to my family, my husband, my children. I try to be nice at church. I am naturally non-confrontational, so it may seem like a personality flaw, like I'm not sticking up for myself. That's not true. This is a conscious choice.
Here on this blog, I have a very small readership. Because of the very, very close relationship I share with the two of you who are reading, I know I have not always been nice to you. And I'm sorry. I'm still trying.
If I could be known by just one virtue, I would want it to be that I am nice. Actually, I'd prefer if you use the word kind. It seems classier somehow.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--19
Storytelling
One of our kids' favorite things to do is to listen to stories about themselves. They love it when Chris and I start talking about when they were little. We have our favorite stories that are repeated over and over until they become the stuff of legend. It's as entertaining to them as watching old family videos. (They like the videos. They make their friends watch them when we have guests.)
When we were in college, my brother and I bought a little tiny Welsh flag at the bookstore. We sat in an area that was known as "the campus living room" and waved our flag. Neither of us like to draw attention to ourselves, so we waved it very discreetly. We quietly protested the fact that no one pays any attention to the Welsh minority on campus. We made ourselves laugh. Then we decided we needed a bigger flag. This was in the days before Google, so we had to talk to a human.
Two years earlier, I had taken Welsh 101. It may have been Welsh 100. Anyway, it was a language class. My teacher, Dr. Dennis, recognized my name on the first day of class because he knows my uncle and he knew exactly who my ancestors are. Dr. Dennis is an expert in Welsh Mormon history and he knew more about my ancestors than I did. Much, much more. On the day of the campus-wide Welsh-minority protest, my brother and I went to Dr. Dennis' office to ask him where to buy a big flag. He looked up some information for us and then asked us to take a seat. He started to tell us about our ancestor, John Davis. Dr. Dennis calls John Davis his personal hero. Other than his name, I didn't really know anything about him at the time. This day was life changing for me. I think I can honestly say that. It started my interest in my own history, my own family history. I also learned that my personal pride in being of Welsh descent doesn't come from staging a protest--no matter how much fun that is. It comes from learning my identity as part of a family.
My idea of doing family history is to corner my Uncle Bert at family parties and make him tell me stories. He has so much in his mind, and I want to know what he knows! I have written some of the stories down and others I try to tell often so that they are fresh in my mind. We have a handful of books written by my grandma and my mother that tell their personal history. These stories are so important. They help me to get to know my mom and grandma and to appreciate them so much more.
My great-grandpa was called Daddy Don by family members. He died before I was born. But I feel like I know him. It's because of the stories. My mom was very close to her grandparents and she naturally talked about them often. Sometimes I forget that I never met this person, Daddy Don, who is so real in my mind. I can imagine his tenderness at holding his great-granddaughter, Lisa, and then using her as an excuse to start to attend church. "Someone's got to hold the baby." I can imagine how I think he sounded when he complained about an episode of Hawaii 5-O being continued until the next week.
It's nice to have a lot of facts, names, dates, and places, about our relatives. But it's so much more meaningful to me to have stories, to get to know their personalities, and to feel a connection. I am not a good creative writer--if I had to tell a made-up story, I wouldn't know where to start or what to have happen or how to end it. I can't even think of a halfway decent character. But I can repeat real stories in fun ways.
I know for sure that the stories of my parents, grandparents, and other relatives have shaped my own identity. I hope I tell enough stories for my kids to understand where they came from. Family stories are important to me.
One of our kids' favorite things to do is to listen to stories about themselves. They love it when Chris and I start talking about when they were little. We have our favorite stories that are repeated over and over until they become the stuff of legend. It's as entertaining to them as watching old family videos. (They like the videos. They make their friends watch them when we have guests.)
When we were in college, my brother and I bought a little tiny Welsh flag at the bookstore. We sat in an area that was known as "the campus living room" and waved our flag. Neither of us like to draw attention to ourselves, so we waved it very discreetly. We quietly protested the fact that no one pays any attention to the Welsh minority on campus. We made ourselves laugh. Then we decided we needed a bigger flag. This was in the days before Google, so we had to talk to a human.
Two years earlier, I had taken Welsh 101. It may have been Welsh 100. Anyway, it was a language class. My teacher, Dr. Dennis, recognized my name on the first day of class because he knows my uncle and he knew exactly who my ancestors are. Dr. Dennis is an expert in Welsh Mormon history and he knew more about my ancestors than I did. Much, much more. On the day of the campus-wide Welsh-minority protest, my brother and I went to Dr. Dennis' office to ask him where to buy a big flag. He looked up some information for us and then asked us to take a seat. He started to tell us about our ancestor, John Davis. Dr. Dennis calls John Davis his personal hero. Other than his name, I didn't really know anything about him at the time. This day was life changing for me. I think I can honestly say that. It started my interest in my own history, my own family history. I also learned that my personal pride in being of Welsh descent doesn't come from staging a protest--no matter how much fun that is. It comes from learning my identity as part of a family.
My idea of doing family history is to corner my Uncle Bert at family parties and make him tell me stories. He has so much in his mind, and I want to know what he knows! I have written some of the stories down and others I try to tell often so that they are fresh in my mind. We have a handful of books written by my grandma and my mother that tell their personal history. These stories are so important. They help me to get to know my mom and grandma and to appreciate them so much more.
My great-grandpa was called Daddy Don by family members. He died before I was born. But I feel like I know him. It's because of the stories. My mom was very close to her grandparents and she naturally talked about them often. Sometimes I forget that I never met this person, Daddy Don, who is so real in my mind. I can imagine his tenderness at holding his great-granddaughter, Lisa, and then using her as an excuse to start to attend church. "Someone's got to hold the baby." I can imagine how I think he sounded when he complained about an episode of Hawaii 5-O being continued until the next week.
It's nice to have a lot of facts, names, dates, and places, about our relatives. But it's so much more meaningful to me to have stories, to get to know their personalities, and to feel a connection. I am not a good creative writer--if I had to tell a made-up story, I wouldn't know where to start or what to have happen or how to end it. I can't even think of a halfway decent character. But I can repeat real stories in fun ways.
I know for sure that the stories of my parents, grandparents, and other relatives have shaped my own identity. I hope I tell enough stories for my kids to understand where they came from. Family stories are important to me.
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