The Key to Freedom
I live in a land of liberty. Freedom, perhaps more than anything else, is the value that unites us as a nation. We may have different ideas about how to go about ensuring our freedom, but we all want to be free. Freedom is attacked from both the outside and the inside. Our amazing military helps to protect us against the outside forces that would destroy our liberty. And I believe teachers are among those who protect us from the destructive forces on the inside.
My opinion is that education is the key to democracy. An educated people is a free people. Educated people will work to maintain their own rights and to guarantee liberty for all. This is why I shamelessly support the public school system. Oh, I have my doubts about aspects of "the system." But the whole idea of free schools open to every single child in the entire country--what a concept! It's brilliant! As I study history, I can't help but feel that the idea of public school is one of those ideals that set America apart from the beginning.
I am not saying teachers in any way replace the much more important role of parents in educating children. I feel passionately about the responsibility of parents to teach their children, especially about faith, morals, and social values. I feel so passionately about parents' responsibility that I educate my own children at home. However, this post is about my personal philosophy on the role of educating every single citizen.
I am grateful for the education I received from my public school teachers. I was lucky to be the fourth child in my family, which means my older siblings had weeded out the really good teachers from the mediocre ones. I knew, from their experience, which classes to take in my high school. Maybe that's why I had such a fantastic experience in school. I had my favorite teachers, of course. I remember them. If I had any duds, they've faded from memory. My public school experience prepared me well for my university education. I have no complaints.
I know some public schools are better than others. The ideal is to offer the same quality education to children no matter the socioeconomic level of their parents. We're working toward that ideal to make us equal in opportunity and set every person at liberty to choose their own path. It's not perfect, far from, but it's an ideal we can support. Every person deserves a chance to learn.
To me, learning is freedom.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--7
An Inconvenient Truth
Like most new moms, when I had my first baby, my whole world started spinning around him. I was absorbed with taking care of him. I adored him. When he was about three months old, I hosted a baby shower for my sister. I decided to have a little fun with the invitations. They were handmade pop-up cards. They were very interactive. And they took some time to make. I was blissfully enjoying my creative process when I heard a little cry from the bedroom. My baby, it seems, had woken up from his nap. I felt frustrated. It surprised me. This was the first time I had felt frustration directed toward my perfect baby boy. I was very blessed that I immediately recognized that I wasn't frustrated with my baby; I was frustrated because I had been interrupted.
As motherhood goes on, I find that most (not all) of the time I am frustrated or short-tempered with my kids, it's because they are being inconvenient. If I am focused on them and their needs, they don't bother me. We get along great. But when they interrupt something I'm doing, I tend to snap at them. It's certainly not their fault.
This isn't to say that I need to pay all of my attention to the children all of the time. That's ridiculous. I am grateful to recognize that when they are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome, it is not necessarily because they, the children, are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome. It's usually because I have something else on my mind or something else to do.
Why is this something important enough for me to consider it one of my life philosophies? Because knowing that "it's not them, it's me" helps me be a little more patient. If I snap, I catch myself and apologize. I explain that I'm not frustrated with them, I'm frustrated because of some other reason. It's a good reminder to me and I use it often. I think it strengthens our relationships with each other. I don't use this as an excuse for my bad behavior. I use it as a reminder to stop myself from behaving badly.
Children are sometimes inconvenient. Lots of worthwhile things are inconvenient when I have a separate agenda. I am so grateful that I learned so early on to recognize the real reason for my frustration. The children are innocent when they ask for my attention. If I can't give them immediate attention, the least I can do is kindly explain why.
Like most new moms, when I had my first baby, my whole world started spinning around him. I was absorbed with taking care of him. I adored him. When he was about three months old, I hosted a baby shower for my sister. I decided to have a little fun with the invitations. They were handmade pop-up cards. They were very interactive. And they took some time to make. I was blissfully enjoying my creative process when I heard a little cry from the bedroom. My baby, it seems, had woken up from his nap. I felt frustrated. It surprised me. This was the first time I had felt frustration directed toward my perfect baby boy. I was very blessed that I immediately recognized that I wasn't frustrated with my baby; I was frustrated because I had been interrupted.
As motherhood goes on, I find that most (not all) of the time I am frustrated or short-tempered with my kids, it's because they are being inconvenient. If I am focused on them and their needs, they don't bother me. We get along great. But when they interrupt something I'm doing, I tend to snap at them. It's certainly not their fault.
This isn't to say that I need to pay all of my attention to the children all of the time. That's ridiculous. I am grateful to recognize that when they are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome, it is not necessarily because they, the children, are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome. It's usually because I have something else on my mind or something else to do.
Why is this something important enough for me to consider it one of my life philosophies? Because knowing that "it's not them, it's me" helps me be a little more patient. If I snap, I catch myself and apologize. I explain that I'm not frustrated with them, I'm frustrated because of some other reason. It's a good reminder to me and I use it often. I think it strengthens our relationships with each other. I don't use this as an excuse for my bad behavior. I use it as a reminder to stop myself from behaving badly.
Children are sometimes inconvenient. Lots of worthwhile things are inconvenient when I have a separate agenda. I am so grateful that I learned so early on to recognize the real reason for my frustration. The children are innocent when they ask for my attention. If I can't give them immediate attention, the least I can do is kindly explain why.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--8
Enjoy the Drive
Chris and I started taking road trips right after we got married. We like to go places, usually to see people, and the car is the most inexpensive way to get there. When Ammon was very, very little, we learned the important lesson that the drive is part of the vacation. For many of those quick trips, we spent as many days driving as we did at the vacation destination. We had better learn to enjoy the drive or we would be miserable!
There are perhaps three main things that we do to enjoy the drive:
1. Take things to do in the car. Sometimes I have spent a lot of time packing our car entertainment. Maps for the kids to mark, books to read aloud or books on cd, pictures, magazines, coloring, snack bags, music, etc. All of it makes the trip enjoyable. The key here is that I have to interact with the children. They may have packs of activities, but it all works best if I interact with them, too. Chris and I have had some of our best conversations while driving in the car. Instead of driving as fast as we can to enjoy family time once we get there, we enjoy the family time that we have on the way.
2. Look out the windows. There is beauty everywhere. I admit having a hard time in certain locations. But most places I have been have a beauty of their own. To me, the best word to describe Nebraska is pleasant. Southern Utah is breathtaking for my inner-geologist. I have figured out why New Jersey is called the garden state. I love farmland, orchards, vineyards, empty spaces, desert, mountains, ocean views, and the occasional city. It makes a drive so much more enjoyable if we look out the windows and appreciate where we are.
3. Stop once in a while. I was talking about road trips with friends the other night. They were describing screaming babies and toddlers, trying to hold a bottle for a baby in the back seat, or sitting next to a baby in a car seat and trying to nurse her. I said, "We just go to a rest stop." They said but then you are there for an hour! Yes, we are. We have found little parks in small towns in Nevada for picnics and playgrounds. Some states have little walks or hikes at their rest stops. An hour seems to be sufficient for our kids. When we drove from Utah to New York, we planned very specifically so we could stop to visit our brothers, a cousin, and close friends. We planned to stop at historical sites along the way. We didn't have a lot of time, but we planned enough time to make the drive a vacation.
In my last area on my mission, we got to have a car. My companion usually drove. Sometimes she would get impatient with the traffic or whatever. I remember several times saying, "We're not in a hurry." That was always true. We had enough time. I still find myself saying that to Chris on occasion. (Although sometimes we are in a hurry.) We seem to live far away from everything here. It takes an twenty-five minutes to drive to our church building. It takes about an hour to drive to the temple. Instead of complaining about that time, we can look out the windows and talk to each other. I try to enjoy the drive, whether short or long, and I think this little philosophy has improved my family relationships and made life more pleasant.
Chris and I started taking road trips right after we got married. We like to go places, usually to see people, and the car is the most inexpensive way to get there. When Ammon was very, very little, we learned the important lesson that the drive is part of the vacation. For many of those quick trips, we spent as many days driving as we did at the vacation destination. We had better learn to enjoy the drive or we would be miserable!
There are perhaps three main things that we do to enjoy the drive:
1. Take things to do in the car. Sometimes I have spent a lot of time packing our car entertainment. Maps for the kids to mark, books to read aloud or books on cd, pictures, magazines, coloring, snack bags, music, etc. All of it makes the trip enjoyable. The key here is that I have to interact with the children. They may have packs of activities, but it all works best if I interact with them, too. Chris and I have had some of our best conversations while driving in the car. Instead of driving as fast as we can to enjoy family time once we get there, we enjoy the family time that we have on the way.
2. Look out the windows. There is beauty everywhere. I admit having a hard time in certain locations. But most places I have been have a beauty of their own. To me, the best word to describe Nebraska is pleasant. Southern Utah is breathtaking for my inner-geologist. I have figured out why New Jersey is called the garden state. I love farmland, orchards, vineyards, empty spaces, desert, mountains, ocean views, and the occasional city. It makes a drive so much more enjoyable if we look out the windows and appreciate where we are.
3. Stop once in a while. I was talking about road trips with friends the other night. They were describing screaming babies and toddlers, trying to hold a bottle for a baby in the back seat, or sitting next to a baby in a car seat and trying to nurse her. I said, "We just go to a rest stop." They said but then you are there for an hour! Yes, we are. We have found little parks in small towns in Nevada for picnics and playgrounds. Some states have little walks or hikes at their rest stops. An hour seems to be sufficient for our kids. When we drove from Utah to New York, we planned very specifically so we could stop to visit our brothers, a cousin, and close friends. We planned to stop at historical sites along the way. We didn't have a lot of time, but we planned enough time to make the drive a vacation.
In my last area on my mission, we got to have a car. My companion usually drove. Sometimes she would get impatient with the traffic or whatever. I remember several times saying, "We're not in a hurry." That was always true. We had enough time. I still find myself saying that to Chris on occasion. (Although sometimes we are in a hurry.) We seem to live far away from everything here. It takes an twenty-five minutes to drive to our church building. It takes about an hour to drive to the temple. Instead of complaining about that time, we can look out the windows and talk to each other. I try to enjoy the drive, whether short or long, and I think this little philosophy has improved my family relationships and made life more pleasant.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--9
Highest Common Denominator
You've heard the phrase "When in Rome, do as the Romans do," right? Yes, yes, I've heard it, too. This is my take on that phrase. Never, ever should I lower my own standards. Never. However, if I'm with someone whose standards are stricter than mine, I abide by them. This is especially true when we involve children.
One of my sisters eats no chocolate. She doesn't let her kids have chocolate. So, when I'm with her, I serve no chocolate. I guess I'm not that strict about it because if someone else brings a chocolate dish, I'll eat it. But as for what I bring, I figure there are plenty of foodstuffs out there that don't have chocolate in them. So many options. I can easily choose something non-chocolaty when we're together.
My brother- and sister-in-law don't let their kids watch any television. We don't see each other that often and I think it's such a small thing to go without t.v. for a week when we're together. I can make it easy for their children to obey their family rules. It's so frustrating to be the only strict mom in a large group. I know how that feels. I think it's common courtesy to uphold someone else's rules when you're together.
I really appreciate it when people respect my family's rules. My oldest son was invited to a party recently. Knowing that we are fairly strict (depending on the comparison), the mother messaged me to ask if a certain movie was acceptable. It was. She made it clear that if it wasn't okay with me, her son would choose something else to do. How great is it when people can respect each other that way! I love it.
The concessions I make are very simple and hardly affect my family at all. Hopefully, I can make it easier for other parents if I respect their family rules while we are together. I am certainly grateful when my friends do that for me.
You've heard the phrase "When in Rome, do as the Romans do," right? Yes, yes, I've heard it, too. This is my take on that phrase. Never, ever should I lower my own standards. Never. However, if I'm with someone whose standards are stricter than mine, I abide by them. This is especially true when we involve children.
One of my sisters eats no chocolate. She doesn't let her kids have chocolate. So, when I'm with her, I serve no chocolate. I guess I'm not that strict about it because if someone else brings a chocolate dish, I'll eat it. But as for what I bring, I figure there are plenty of foodstuffs out there that don't have chocolate in them. So many options. I can easily choose something non-chocolaty when we're together.
My brother- and sister-in-law don't let their kids watch any television. We don't see each other that often and I think it's such a small thing to go without t.v. for a week when we're together. I can make it easy for their children to obey their family rules. It's so frustrating to be the only strict mom in a large group. I know how that feels. I think it's common courtesy to uphold someone else's rules when you're together.
I really appreciate it when people respect my family's rules. My oldest son was invited to a party recently. Knowing that we are fairly strict (depending on the comparison), the mother messaged me to ask if a certain movie was acceptable. It was. She made it clear that if it wasn't okay with me, her son would choose something else to do. How great is it when people can respect each other that way! I love it.
The concessions I make are very simple and hardly affect my family at all. Hopefully, I can make it easier for other parents if I respect their family rules while we are together. I am certainly grateful when my friends do that for me.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--10
Maintaining My Image
When I graduated from BYU, the university awarded a couple of honorary doctorates. One of the recipients, who did not share our religious affiliation, was a commencement speaker. His speech was meant to be lighthearted and entertaining. Parts of it were very funny but other parts were inappropriate, especially in the religious setting of BYU. It was better suited for late-night television. After graduation, we went out to dinner. We talked a bit about this speech. I mentioned that from where I was sitting, I could see President Monson's reaction to everything said. During genuinely funny parts of the speech, he threw his head back and laughed. During those parts that were even slightly questionable, he did not even smile. Knowing that President Monson was on a stage in front of thousands of people, one of our friends said, "I bet those guys need to be really careful about their image."
Later that night, I mentioned to my sister that I didn't really like the thought that President Monson was carefully protecting his image. My sister said, "He doesn't have to worry about his image. He is his image." There Rachel is again, being wise.
I've thought a lot about what Rachel said. What a great thing it is to be your image--never have to worry about behaving inappropriately because you are genuinely a good person. I admit to being on my best behavior at times. I still have to filter out some things before I speak or act. And that's okay. I'm learning and growing. My goal is to become my image (and have that image be a good one). I'm not dishonest in the way I present myself. I try to be the same in the dark and in the light, at home and in public, on my own and in a crowd. This is the basis of integrity. But sometimes I have to think it through. Aspects of being my best self come very naturally. Other thoughts and behaviors come more naturally as I grow closer to my Savior. I'm not quite where I want to be yet.
One of Shakespeare's more popular lines is, "To thine own self be true." Sometimes this philosophy is used to justify bad behavior because a person is being true to whatever image she thinks she wants to promote. Honestly, we're all pretty complicated. We can choose different parts of ourselves to hold up and to develop. I choose to develop the truest part of me.
We are all children of God. I believe that wholeheartedly. We each have a divine nature and a divine destiny. We have inherited something of God's goodness within our souls. To become the truest me I can be, I need to discover my truest self. I lived before I was born. Heavenly Father knows me so much better than I know myself. The closer I am to my Heavenly Father, the better I can know who I really am. As I discover my own divine nature, I discover the true me. I want to embrace that me. I want to be true to myself. The best way to do that is by being true to God.
My image, the person I present to the world, is my choice. I want it to be a true, honest image of who I really am. And who I really am is a child of the Most High God. When I am close to Him, I come to know myself. Through the Atonement of my Savior, my behaviors change and my character changes. I progress toward my divine potential. I am my image.
When I graduated from BYU, the university awarded a couple of honorary doctorates. One of the recipients, who did not share our religious affiliation, was a commencement speaker. His speech was meant to be lighthearted and entertaining. Parts of it were very funny but other parts were inappropriate, especially in the religious setting of BYU. It was better suited for late-night television. After graduation, we went out to dinner. We talked a bit about this speech. I mentioned that from where I was sitting, I could see President Monson's reaction to everything said. During genuinely funny parts of the speech, he threw his head back and laughed. During those parts that were even slightly questionable, he did not even smile. Knowing that President Monson was on a stage in front of thousands of people, one of our friends said, "I bet those guys need to be really careful about their image."
Later that night, I mentioned to my sister that I didn't really like the thought that President Monson was carefully protecting his image. My sister said, "He doesn't have to worry about his image. He is his image." There Rachel is again, being wise.
I've thought a lot about what Rachel said. What a great thing it is to be your image--never have to worry about behaving inappropriately because you are genuinely a good person. I admit to being on my best behavior at times. I still have to filter out some things before I speak or act. And that's okay. I'm learning and growing. My goal is to become my image (and have that image be a good one). I'm not dishonest in the way I present myself. I try to be the same in the dark and in the light, at home and in public, on my own and in a crowd. This is the basis of integrity. But sometimes I have to think it through. Aspects of being my best self come very naturally. Other thoughts and behaviors come more naturally as I grow closer to my Savior. I'm not quite where I want to be yet.
One of Shakespeare's more popular lines is, "To thine own self be true." Sometimes this philosophy is used to justify bad behavior because a person is being true to whatever image she thinks she wants to promote. Honestly, we're all pretty complicated. We can choose different parts of ourselves to hold up and to develop. I choose to develop the truest part of me.
We are all children of God. I believe that wholeheartedly. We each have a divine nature and a divine destiny. We have inherited something of God's goodness within our souls. To become the truest me I can be, I need to discover my truest self. I lived before I was born. Heavenly Father knows me so much better than I know myself. The closer I am to my Heavenly Father, the better I can know who I really am. As I discover my own divine nature, I discover the true me. I want to embrace that me. I want to be true to myself. The best way to do that is by being true to God.
My image, the person I present to the world, is my choice. I want it to be a true, honest image of who I really am. And who I really am is a child of the Most High God. When I am close to Him, I come to know myself. Through the Atonement of my Savior, my behaviors change and my character changes. I progress toward my divine potential. I am my image.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--11
Real Life
When I was in the Missionary Training Center, Elder Holland spoke to us. It was a long time ago and I don't remember much. One part really stood out. I will paraphrase because my memory is not perfect. He said, "I don't want to ever hear a missionary say, 'When I get back to real life...' or 'When I get back to the real world...' THIS IS REAL LIFE! This is what life is all about! There will be a time when this is all we do for eternity." (The this he is speaking of is assisting in the Lord's work.)
I really love this perspective on life. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I can be burdened with the mundane labors and requirements of mortality: bills, groceries, making dinner, insurance, utilities, leaky faucets, etc. It takes a toll on me. I am not saying those things don't matter, because they do, but they are secondary to what real life is about.
The world is so much bigger than me. The things that really matter are huge. When I think about the politics of the dominant social issues of our day, I feel like the arguments and logic of the trending philosophies are very convincing. I have to step back and remind myself that this little bit of the world is just that--a little bit. Real life is big. It is bigger than me. It is bigger than any social issue. It is bigger than this whole world. Real life is the stuff of eternity.
A few years ago, I was speaking to a friend who had fallen away from his faith. One Sunday, he returned to church and found himself thinking that the people there all lived in a little bubble, unaware of the "real world" outside. This conversation was fresh in my mind when I watched General Conference. At that meeting, I heard one of our apostles speak about drug abuse. He listed different popular drugs and their effects, both temporary and permanent. As he spoke, I turned to my sister and said, "How can anyone think these old men are out of touch? He is so aware of what is going on in the world." My sister said, "As a prophet and seer, he can see much more than we can. We are the ones who are out of touch."
My sister (it's you, Rachel) is wise. I know I believe in living prophets, but after Rachel taught me in this way, I began to look at the world a little differently. I see now that we all live in a bubble of our own making. The only ones outside the bubble and able to see the "real world" are those who see through the Spirit.
So, the philosophy of mine is to remember that eternity is real life and that life is bigger than what I see right around me. There is so much more. I want to look beyond my bubble and see the big picture. On occasion, the Lord has granted me a glimpse, a feeling, of how grand His plan is. The ways I serve in His kingdom are the things that matter most now and will matter forever.
When I was in the Missionary Training Center, Elder Holland spoke to us. It was a long time ago and I don't remember much. One part really stood out. I will paraphrase because my memory is not perfect. He said, "I don't want to ever hear a missionary say, 'When I get back to real life...' or 'When I get back to the real world...' THIS IS REAL LIFE! This is what life is all about! There will be a time when this is all we do for eternity." (The this he is speaking of is assisting in the Lord's work.)
I really love this perspective on life. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I can be burdened with the mundane labors and requirements of mortality: bills, groceries, making dinner, insurance, utilities, leaky faucets, etc. It takes a toll on me. I am not saying those things don't matter, because they do, but they are secondary to what real life is about.
The world is so much bigger than me. The things that really matter are huge. When I think about the politics of the dominant social issues of our day, I feel like the arguments and logic of the trending philosophies are very convincing. I have to step back and remind myself that this little bit of the world is just that--a little bit. Real life is big. It is bigger than me. It is bigger than any social issue. It is bigger than this whole world. Real life is the stuff of eternity.
A few years ago, I was speaking to a friend who had fallen away from his faith. One Sunday, he returned to church and found himself thinking that the people there all lived in a little bubble, unaware of the "real world" outside. This conversation was fresh in my mind when I watched General Conference. At that meeting, I heard one of our apostles speak about drug abuse. He listed different popular drugs and their effects, both temporary and permanent. As he spoke, I turned to my sister and said, "How can anyone think these old men are out of touch? He is so aware of what is going on in the world." My sister said, "As a prophet and seer, he can see much more than we can. We are the ones who are out of touch."
My sister (it's you, Rachel) is wise. I know I believe in living prophets, but after Rachel taught me in this way, I began to look at the world a little differently. I see now that we all live in a bubble of our own making. The only ones outside the bubble and able to see the "real world" are those who see through the Spirit.
So, the philosophy of mine is to remember that eternity is real life and that life is bigger than what I see right around me. There is so much more. I want to look beyond my bubble and see the big picture. On occasion, the Lord has granted me a glimpse, a feeling, of how grand His plan is. The ways I serve in His kingdom are the things that matter most now and will matter forever.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--12
No Regrets
My brother, best friend, favorite cousin, other cousins and friends and I all were on our missions at the same time. Several of us (maybe not all of us) signed our letters to each other with the phrase: "No regrets!" Our idea was that we would serve honorably and completely so we could return home without regrets. (I guess that was self-explanatory.) A couple weeks before I was to return home, I was tracting with another missionary. She asked me, "So, do you have any regrets?" I thought about that for a few minutes before I could respond. I answered honestly, "No. There are things I would do differently if I could go back, but I was just learning."
At this point, when I think about my mission, there are plenty of things I would do differently now. Now that I am much more mature (trust me!). Now that I have more life experience. Now that I have a better understanding of gospel principles. Now that I have a deeper testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am pretty sure I could be a better missionary now. However, I have no regrets for the way I served then. I did my best. I learned; I progressed; I testified; I grew.
"No regrets" is the way I want to look at all my life. As a teenager, I was very forward-thinking. I wasn't one to embrace the "seize the moment" or "you only live once" mantra. I had lots of fun, but I always knew I'd be accountable later. Being forward-thinking helped me avoid a lot of regret.
I have made tons of mistakes in my life. I make them every day. I know what it is to repent in sorrow. I know how it feels to be forgiven of God and have a return of light and peace. I also know that I can forgive myself and move forward. That is an essential part of living without regret--being able to move forward and let things go. That is part of what I meant when I told the other missionary that "I was just learning." Repentance is part of the learning process of life.
Sometimes older women look at young mothers and give them advice to treasure every moment. That advice has been mocked by my generation. The thinking is that old women don't remember how hectic life is when you have babies and toddlers. One of the fundamental things I have learned about living with no regrets is to listen to those who have gone before. They have good advice (mostly). At this point, as my children are no longer little, I am so glad I took the advice to treasure those days and moments that pass so quickly. And when I have a bad day (which I have all too often), I choose to repent, start fresh, be better, and let the bad day go.
Is my life 100% without regret? Are you kidding? No way! I do try to think about the future and enjoy the present with discipline and forgiveness (for myself and other people). In all of this, I trust and rely on my Savior, who provides the only way to live a life of peace with real hope in the future. He forgives and guides me as I move forward.
My brother, best friend, favorite cousin, other cousins and friends and I all were on our missions at the same time. Several of us (maybe not all of us) signed our letters to each other with the phrase: "No regrets!" Our idea was that we would serve honorably and completely so we could return home without regrets. (I guess that was self-explanatory.) A couple weeks before I was to return home, I was tracting with another missionary. She asked me, "So, do you have any regrets?" I thought about that for a few minutes before I could respond. I answered honestly, "No. There are things I would do differently if I could go back, but I was just learning."
At this point, when I think about my mission, there are plenty of things I would do differently now. Now that I am much more mature (trust me!). Now that I have more life experience. Now that I have a better understanding of gospel principles. Now that I have a deeper testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am pretty sure I could be a better missionary now. However, I have no regrets for the way I served then. I did my best. I learned; I progressed; I testified; I grew.
"No regrets" is the way I want to look at all my life. As a teenager, I was very forward-thinking. I wasn't one to embrace the "seize the moment" or "you only live once" mantra. I had lots of fun, but I always knew I'd be accountable later. Being forward-thinking helped me avoid a lot of regret.
I have made tons of mistakes in my life. I make them every day. I know what it is to repent in sorrow. I know how it feels to be forgiven of God and have a return of light and peace. I also know that I can forgive myself and move forward. That is an essential part of living without regret--being able to move forward and let things go. That is part of what I meant when I told the other missionary that "I was just learning." Repentance is part of the learning process of life.
Sometimes older women look at young mothers and give them advice to treasure every moment. That advice has been mocked by my generation. The thinking is that old women don't remember how hectic life is when you have babies and toddlers. One of the fundamental things I have learned about living with no regrets is to listen to those who have gone before. They have good advice (mostly). At this point, as my children are no longer little, I am so glad I took the advice to treasure those days and moments that pass so quickly. And when I have a bad day (which I have all too often), I choose to repent, start fresh, be better, and let the bad day go.
Is my life 100% without regret? Are you kidding? No way! I do try to think about the future and enjoy the present with discipline and forgiveness (for myself and other people). In all of this, I trust and rely on my Savior, who provides the only way to live a life of peace with real hope in the future. He forgives and guides me as I move forward.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--13
Practically Perfect in Every Way
Have you ever received a compliment that changed the way you did things? One day, my second grade teacher told me I looked pretty in blue. According to my mom, I wore blue every day for the rest of the school year. At a mission conference, my mission president taught us about gifts of the Spirit. There are many spiritual gifts that are not listed in the scriptures. He pointed out a few missionaries and identified some of their specific gifts. He told me, "One of your great gifts is that you are practical."
I've thought a lot about that. It's not the most exciting characteristic. I remember joking with my companion that when I got home from my mission, I'd use it as a pick-up line: "Hey, baby. I'm practical." Once again, I make myself laugh. Even at the time, though, I knew it was desirable. I've embraced being practical.
When I have a choice to make, my decision usually follows the practical path. When Chris or one of the kids suggests a plan or an idea, I find myself agreeing on the basis of the plan's practicality. I guess what I'm trying to say is I value being practical, logical, and simply doing what makes good sense.
It has been a good balance for me to marry Chris, who is impulsive, creative, and emotional. He can help me to see when there is more to life than being practical. Hopefully, I help to tame him a little, because honestly, being practical is a great way to be.
Have you ever received a compliment that changed the way you did things? One day, my second grade teacher told me I looked pretty in blue. According to my mom, I wore blue every day for the rest of the school year. At a mission conference, my mission president taught us about gifts of the Spirit. There are many spiritual gifts that are not listed in the scriptures. He pointed out a few missionaries and identified some of their specific gifts. He told me, "One of your great gifts is that you are practical."
I've thought a lot about that. It's not the most exciting characteristic. I remember joking with my companion that when I got home from my mission, I'd use it as a pick-up line: "Hey, baby. I'm practical." Once again, I make myself laugh. Even at the time, though, I knew it was desirable. I've embraced being practical.
When I have a choice to make, my decision usually follows the practical path. When Chris or one of the kids suggests a plan or an idea, I find myself agreeing on the basis of the plan's practicality. I guess what I'm trying to say is I value being practical, logical, and simply doing what makes good sense.
It has been a good balance for me to marry Chris, who is impulsive, creative, and emotional. He can help me to see when there is more to life than being practical. Hopefully, I help to tame him a little, because honestly, being practical is a great way to be.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--14
Being Excellent
When my children were very, very small, I felt like my life consisted of laundry and dishes. Dishes and laundry. All the time. I decided that if laundry and dishes were going to be the defining activities of that period of life, I would be excellent at laundry and dishes. I took care to load the dishwasher in patterns. Everything can be beautiful. I've always enjoyed folding clothes, so it was easy and fun to take extra care to make the folded clothes beautiful.
When I say I decided to be excellent at it, it doesn't mean that I always get it done in a timely fashion or that I never fall behind. What I mean is that as I do these menial chores, I make them beautiful. I feel that in some ways, these kinds of chores represent a very pure form of service. You only really notice the dishes or laundry if they haven't been done, not if they have. In that way, both jobs are pretty thankless. Especially when my children were very small, I would often do these chores alone, in the quiet evenings after they were in bed. It was unnoticed.
I need to point out that because of Chris, these jobs are never thankless here. Chris thanks me every single week when I wash the clothes.
I need to be perfectly honest even if it sounds cheesy. I have had some remarkably spiritual experiences as I have performed these services for my children and husband. The Lord has testified to me that my work, no matter how small, is important, is acceptable to Him, and is a reflection of the love I have for my family. I love to serve my family.
I am so grateful that the Lord taught me to be excellent behind the scenes and recognize service in all its forms. I was called to serve as ward librarian several years ago. Ward librarian is a calling that is unnoticed and in a lot of ways, thankless. The only time people pay attention is when the copy machine is broken. I took the lessons I had learned from my laundry and applied it to my calling. As I served quietly, behind the scenes, the Lord blessed me with a deepened understanding of service in His kingdom.
Service is a wonderful part of life. No matter how seemingly insignificant, if I do my best work, with my heart right before God, I can grow closer to Him. Excellence, not perfection, helps me make my menial chores meaningful.
When my children were very, very small, I felt like my life consisted of laundry and dishes. Dishes and laundry. All the time. I decided that if laundry and dishes were going to be the defining activities of that period of life, I would be excellent at laundry and dishes. I took care to load the dishwasher in patterns. Everything can be beautiful. I've always enjoyed folding clothes, so it was easy and fun to take extra care to make the folded clothes beautiful.
When I say I decided to be excellent at it, it doesn't mean that I always get it done in a timely fashion or that I never fall behind. What I mean is that as I do these menial chores, I make them beautiful. I feel that in some ways, these kinds of chores represent a very pure form of service. You only really notice the dishes or laundry if they haven't been done, not if they have. In that way, both jobs are pretty thankless. Especially when my children were very small, I would often do these chores alone, in the quiet evenings after they were in bed. It was unnoticed.
I need to point out that because of Chris, these jobs are never thankless here. Chris thanks me every single week when I wash the clothes.
I need to be perfectly honest even if it sounds cheesy. I have had some remarkably spiritual experiences as I have performed these services for my children and husband. The Lord has testified to me that my work, no matter how small, is important, is acceptable to Him, and is a reflection of the love I have for my family. I love to serve my family.
I am so grateful that the Lord taught me to be excellent behind the scenes and recognize service in all its forms. I was called to serve as ward librarian several years ago. Ward librarian is a calling that is unnoticed and in a lot of ways, thankless. The only time people pay attention is when the copy machine is broken. I took the lessons I had learned from my laundry and applied it to my calling. As I served quietly, behind the scenes, the Lord blessed me with a deepened understanding of service in His kingdom.
Service is a wonderful part of life. No matter how seemingly insignificant, if I do my best work, with my heart right before God, I can grow closer to Him. Excellence, not perfection, helps me make my menial chores meaningful.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--15
What do you think I'm going to say?
This is something I say to myself. It is helpful in making decisions. It is helpful in discerning what should be a priority. I love this saying.
This is not my story. This story belongs to an elder I taught at the MTC. It's not the best teaching tool to share a secondhand story. These are my life philosophies, and this is a statement that has helped to shape my life. I will summarize the elder's story. He had trouble deciding whether to serve a mission. He had an amazing opportunity to meet the prophet, President Hinckley. The elder said something like, "I'm trying to decide whether to serve a mission." President Hinckley responded, "And what do you think I'm going to say?" He then promised the elder, "Go on a mission. You'll never regret it and the Lord will bless you."
To me, President Hinckley's initial response reflects the essence of obedience. We can come up with legitimate reasons, not just flimsy excuses, as to why the rules or commandments don't apply in our personal situations. The elder in this story certainly had a legitimate reason. But I imagine myself meeting the prophet or the Lord and asking whether He thinks a particular rule or commandment applies to me. In my imagination, the response is, "What do you think I'm going to say?"
The fact is that I believe that there is a prophet on the earth today. I believe the Lord reveals His will to me through the living prophets and apostles. If I truly believe that (and I do), then the commandments and rules apply to me. When I serve in the Church, I try to follow the guidelines in the Handbook as closely as I can. I've served in youth and primary programs of varying sizes. Whether big or small, it is easy to question whether the Church's guidelines apply in our particular circumstance. Then the words come to my mind, "What do you think I'm going to say?"
We are fairly strict at home about our family scripture study and family home evening and family prayer. We can easily come up with reasons, including our sometimes very busy life, as to why those "guidelines" don't apply to us. But then I think, "What do you think I'm going to say?" And I realize that those guidelines, counsel, and commandments apply to me.
Some of the things asked of me, including visiting teaching and attending weekly activities, are more difficult to do here in New York than they were in Utah. That is only because of travel time. I guess I could use travel time as an excuse to not do what I'm supposed to do. However, I'm pretty sure the same expectations apply to me here as applied to me in Utah.
President Packer teaches us to look to the rule before we look to the exception. It has consistently blessed my life when I have found a way to obey the rule instead of looking for excuses. When the Lord gives commandments, He prepares a way for us to obey.
I am grateful that I married someone who understands the beauty of obedience to the Lord's commandments. It makes our married life so easy. My dad once told me that I was blessed with an obedient nature. I know this is not everyone's blessing. It is more difficult for some than others. However, it is possible. Obedience is a choice based on faith. I show my faith through my obedience.
This is something I say to myself. It is helpful in making decisions. It is helpful in discerning what should be a priority. I love this saying.
This is not my story. This story belongs to an elder I taught at the MTC. It's not the best teaching tool to share a secondhand story. These are my life philosophies, and this is a statement that has helped to shape my life. I will summarize the elder's story. He had trouble deciding whether to serve a mission. He had an amazing opportunity to meet the prophet, President Hinckley. The elder said something like, "I'm trying to decide whether to serve a mission." President Hinckley responded, "And what do you think I'm going to say?" He then promised the elder, "Go on a mission. You'll never regret it and the Lord will bless you."
To me, President Hinckley's initial response reflects the essence of obedience. We can come up with legitimate reasons, not just flimsy excuses, as to why the rules or commandments don't apply in our personal situations. The elder in this story certainly had a legitimate reason. But I imagine myself meeting the prophet or the Lord and asking whether He thinks a particular rule or commandment applies to me. In my imagination, the response is, "What do you think I'm going to say?"
The fact is that I believe that there is a prophet on the earth today. I believe the Lord reveals His will to me through the living prophets and apostles. If I truly believe that (and I do), then the commandments and rules apply to me. When I serve in the Church, I try to follow the guidelines in the Handbook as closely as I can. I've served in youth and primary programs of varying sizes. Whether big or small, it is easy to question whether the Church's guidelines apply in our particular circumstance. Then the words come to my mind, "What do you think I'm going to say?"
We are fairly strict at home about our family scripture study and family home evening and family prayer. We can easily come up with reasons, including our sometimes very busy life, as to why those "guidelines" don't apply to us. But then I think, "What do you think I'm going to say?" And I realize that those guidelines, counsel, and commandments apply to me.
Some of the things asked of me, including visiting teaching and attending weekly activities, are more difficult to do here in New York than they were in Utah. That is only because of travel time. I guess I could use travel time as an excuse to not do what I'm supposed to do. However, I'm pretty sure the same expectations apply to me here as applied to me in Utah.
President Packer teaches us to look to the rule before we look to the exception. It has consistently blessed my life when I have found a way to obey the rule instead of looking for excuses. When the Lord gives commandments, He prepares a way for us to obey.
I am grateful that I married someone who understands the beauty of obedience to the Lord's commandments. It makes our married life so easy. My dad once told me that I was blessed with an obedient nature. I know this is not everyone's blessing. It is more difficult for some than others. However, it is possible. Obedience is a choice based on faith. I show my faith through my obedience.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--16
Relationships are worth the effort
Today we had a little goodbye party for some friends. He has a job with an international company. Their United States assignment was one year and now they move on to Mexico. I am very sad that they are moving.
I thought today about my college roommates. We used to joke about someday buying houses on the same cul-de-sac so we could be neighbors and raise our children together. Today I thought about how big my imaginary cul-de-sac has become. There are so many people who are meaningful in my life. Sometimes I wish we could all live near each other.
I have said a lot of goodbyes in my life. Sometimes, it may have been easier to choose not to become so attached in the first place. In the case of my friends who are moving to Mexico--I knew when we met them that they would only be here for one year. It didn't take long before I also knew that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them during that year. I guess I could have chosen not to bother making friends, but I'm so glad I chose to go to the effort. My life has been enriched through knowing them. Our children genuinely enjoy each other and have a good bond. It has been a very healthy relationship.
This philosophy is something I think about often. Relationships are worth the effort. When we lived in Utah, Chris and I would travel to California at least once (more often twice or more) a year to visit his family. It was worth the effort and expense every single time. Our children have solid relationships with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. While living in Utah, I went out of my way to build relationships with my sisters and brother who lived in the area. When given the opportunity, I have traveled to other states to visit my brothers. If we had spare money, we would spend it traveling to visit our family.
Relationships are worth the effort. There is something magnificent and meaningful about living a life filled with loved ones. Whether they are good friends or family, it is worth the time and effort to stay connected. Why do I use Facebook? It's not to share recipes or political opinions. (Although I enjoy knowing what is important to my friends.) It's because I want to stay connected to important people in my life. Why do I send Christmas cards and letters? It gives me an opportunity once a year to reconnect with important people.
Staying connected is not really an easy thing. It's a good thing and a fun thing, but it's not always easy. It would be much easier to worry more about our little world here and now. Some people, quite frankly, are difficult and it would be easier to cut them out. (I don't have anyone who is so difficult as to be abusive or anything like that.) But I am confident that relationships are worth the effort.
Friendships whether with family or others give my life incredible meaning. I am so thankful for good friends who also make the effort to maintain our relationships.
Today we had a little goodbye party for some friends. He has a job with an international company. Their United States assignment was one year and now they move on to Mexico. I am very sad that they are moving.
I thought today about my college roommates. We used to joke about someday buying houses on the same cul-de-sac so we could be neighbors and raise our children together. Today I thought about how big my imaginary cul-de-sac has become. There are so many people who are meaningful in my life. Sometimes I wish we could all live near each other.
I have said a lot of goodbyes in my life. Sometimes, it may have been easier to choose not to become so attached in the first place. In the case of my friends who are moving to Mexico--I knew when we met them that they would only be here for one year. It didn't take long before I also knew that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them during that year. I guess I could have chosen not to bother making friends, but I'm so glad I chose to go to the effort. My life has been enriched through knowing them. Our children genuinely enjoy each other and have a good bond. It has been a very healthy relationship.
This philosophy is something I think about often. Relationships are worth the effort. When we lived in Utah, Chris and I would travel to California at least once (more often twice or more) a year to visit his family. It was worth the effort and expense every single time. Our children have solid relationships with their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. While living in Utah, I went out of my way to build relationships with my sisters and brother who lived in the area. When given the opportunity, I have traveled to other states to visit my brothers. If we had spare money, we would spend it traveling to visit our family.
Relationships are worth the effort. There is something magnificent and meaningful about living a life filled with loved ones. Whether they are good friends or family, it is worth the time and effort to stay connected. Why do I use Facebook? It's not to share recipes or political opinions. (Although I enjoy knowing what is important to my friends.) It's because I want to stay connected to important people in my life. Why do I send Christmas cards and letters? It gives me an opportunity once a year to reconnect with important people.
Staying connected is not really an easy thing. It's a good thing and a fun thing, but it's not always easy. It would be much easier to worry more about our little world here and now. Some people, quite frankly, are difficult and it would be easier to cut them out. (I don't have anyone who is so difficult as to be abusive or anything like that.) But I am confident that relationships are worth the effort.
Friendships whether with family or others give my life incredible meaning. I am so thankful for good friends who also make the effort to maintain our relationships.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--17
Dressed for success
This may seem like a very strange philosophy coming from me. I dress very casually. Part of the reason for that is because I like to be comfortable. The major reason is because of budget. However, I have impeccable style in my mind.
I learned from my mom to always look my best. My best is different from my mom's best. She's a very classy person. My mom always showers, puts on make-up, does her hair, and gets dressed. She was never one to lounge around the house in lounging-around-the-house apparel. I, like I said, am much more casual than my mom. But I know that I feel better about myself when I am showered and dressed. I'm not too fussed about make-up, but I do comb my hair! Even when I had little babies and toddlers, I made sure to get a shower every single day. I would sometimes get up very early before Chris left for work so I could shower when he was home. Other times, I have showered during a favorite PBS Kids show or while the baby napped. I feel more productive and more worthwhile when I am clean and presentable.
I feel very strongly about dressing modestly. I believe the real reason for modesty carries weight for boys and girls, men and women. In other words, I expect my boys to dress modestly, too. I am fairly certain that the gospel principles of modesty apply equally to both genders. I believe that truly dressing modestly means that I am clean, presentable, and ready to serve. When a person dresses immodestly, it is easy to be turned inward--focusing on what other people think about you. When a person is modest, it is much easier to turn outward to serve others selflessly. The outward appearance reflects the inward motivation and attitude. I know this is true for me.
I also believe it is important to dress for the occasion. My parents taught me to wear my "Sunday best" when I attend concerts and plays. This is a dying behavior in society. But I'm still trying because I know that my behavior is a little classier when I am dressed a little better. I also believe it shows the performers that I respect the efforts they have put into the performance. A few weeks ago, my family watched General Conference from our home. Because we were essentially inviting the prophet into our home, we dressed a little nicer those two days. I do this because I sincerely believe it enhances the experience. Every Sunday, we partake of the sacrament. It is a sacred ordinance. While there are no rules or dress codes for church attendance, I choose to dress modestly and reverently for the Sabbath. It is such a little thing to ask myself to wear a dress, put a little extra effort into my appearance, and have my appearance reflect the sacred nature of the covenants I am renewing.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I am a stay-at-home, home schooling mom. We live on three acres with no neighbors at all. Sometimes Chris doesn't get home from work until after I am ready for bed. I have no one to impress. That is exactly my point. I am not trying to impress anyone. I want to look good because it makes me feel good. Whether I am at home, going out, and especially when I am going to church, I choose to dress appropriately.
This may seem like a very strange philosophy coming from me. I dress very casually. Part of the reason for that is because I like to be comfortable. The major reason is because of budget. However, I have impeccable style in my mind.
I learned from my mom to always look my best. My best is different from my mom's best. She's a very classy person. My mom always showers, puts on make-up, does her hair, and gets dressed. She was never one to lounge around the house in lounging-around-the-house apparel. I, like I said, am much more casual than my mom. But I know that I feel better about myself when I am showered and dressed. I'm not too fussed about make-up, but I do comb my hair! Even when I had little babies and toddlers, I made sure to get a shower every single day. I would sometimes get up very early before Chris left for work so I could shower when he was home. Other times, I have showered during a favorite PBS Kids show or while the baby napped. I feel more productive and more worthwhile when I am clean and presentable.
I feel very strongly about dressing modestly. I believe the real reason for modesty carries weight for boys and girls, men and women. In other words, I expect my boys to dress modestly, too. I am fairly certain that the gospel principles of modesty apply equally to both genders. I believe that truly dressing modestly means that I am clean, presentable, and ready to serve. When a person dresses immodestly, it is easy to be turned inward--focusing on what other people think about you. When a person is modest, it is much easier to turn outward to serve others selflessly. The outward appearance reflects the inward motivation and attitude. I know this is true for me.
I also believe it is important to dress for the occasion. My parents taught me to wear my "Sunday best" when I attend concerts and plays. This is a dying behavior in society. But I'm still trying because I know that my behavior is a little classier when I am dressed a little better. I also believe it shows the performers that I respect the efforts they have put into the performance. A few weeks ago, my family watched General Conference from our home. Because we were essentially inviting the prophet into our home, we dressed a little nicer those two days. I do this because I sincerely believe it enhances the experience. Every Sunday, we partake of the sacrament. It is a sacred ordinance. While there are no rules or dress codes for church attendance, I choose to dress modestly and reverently for the Sabbath. It is such a little thing to ask myself to wear a dress, put a little extra effort into my appearance, and have my appearance reflect the sacred nature of the covenants I am renewing.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I am a stay-at-home, home schooling mom. We live on three acres with no neighbors at all. Sometimes Chris doesn't get home from work until after I am ready for bed. I have no one to impress. That is exactly my point. I am not trying to impress anyone. I want to look good because it makes me feel good. Whether I am at home, going out, and especially when I am going to church, I choose to dress appropriately.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--18
If we're not nice, I don't think we're going to make it.
I remember a talk given by a General Authority many, many years ago. His name is Elder Hartman Rector, Jr. and the talk was called "Endure to the End in Charity." I only remember one part of the talk, but considering how long ago it was, that's pretty good. He said, "If we're not nice, I don't think we're going to make it."
(This line has been in my head for twenty years. I just searched for it on lds.org and I found it easy, easy, lemon squeezy. I'm really excited that my memory is that good. For now, anyway. Because I'm just in the middle, not old yet.)
This is another simple life philosophy. I believe it's important to be nice. I'm not always nice, but that's not because I don't think it's important. It's because I'm human.
It's easier to be nice when you know the basics of how someone else feels. I've worked at jobs where I had to call people on the phone--people who didn't want to be called. Because of this, I try to be nice to telemarketers. I've knocked on thousands of doors--of people who didn't want to answer. Because of this, I try to be nice to door-to-door salesmen or proselytizers or UPS delivery guys. I have worked fast food and had my share of mistakes. Because of this, I try to be nice to teenagers (or adults) who are having a bad day in the drive-through. I have worked retail...
I could go on and on. I have had my kids throw tantrums in quiet places. They've run around when they should sit still. I have had them refuse to eat food that was given to us. I can be nice to other moms, and their kids, when they are struggling with these familiar scenarios.
So, I want to be nice to strangers. It's even more important to be nice to people I know. I try to be nice on social media. I try to be nice to my family, my husband, my children. I try to be nice at church. I am naturally non-confrontational, so it may seem like a personality flaw, like I'm not sticking up for myself. That's not true. This is a conscious choice.
Here on this blog, I have a very small readership. Because of the very, very close relationship I share with the two of you who are reading, I know I have not always been nice to you. And I'm sorry. I'm still trying.
If I could be known by just one virtue, I would want it to be that I am nice. Actually, I'd prefer if you use the word kind. It seems classier somehow.
I remember a talk given by a General Authority many, many years ago. His name is Elder Hartman Rector, Jr. and the talk was called "Endure to the End in Charity." I only remember one part of the talk, but considering how long ago it was, that's pretty good. He said, "If we're not nice, I don't think we're going to make it."
(This line has been in my head for twenty years. I just searched for it on lds.org and I found it easy, easy, lemon squeezy. I'm really excited that my memory is that good. For now, anyway. Because I'm just in the middle, not old yet.)
This is another simple life philosophy. I believe it's important to be nice. I'm not always nice, but that's not because I don't think it's important. It's because I'm human.
It's easier to be nice when you know the basics of how someone else feels. I've worked at jobs where I had to call people on the phone--people who didn't want to be called. Because of this, I try to be nice to telemarketers. I've knocked on thousands of doors--of people who didn't want to answer. Because of this, I try to be nice to door-to-door salesmen or proselytizers or UPS delivery guys. I have worked fast food and had my share of mistakes. Because of this, I try to be nice to teenagers (or adults) who are having a bad day in the drive-through. I have worked retail...
I could go on and on. I have had my kids throw tantrums in quiet places. They've run around when they should sit still. I have had them refuse to eat food that was given to us. I can be nice to other moms, and their kids, when they are struggling with these familiar scenarios.
So, I want to be nice to strangers. It's even more important to be nice to people I know. I try to be nice on social media. I try to be nice to my family, my husband, my children. I try to be nice at church. I am naturally non-confrontational, so it may seem like a personality flaw, like I'm not sticking up for myself. That's not true. This is a conscious choice.
Here on this blog, I have a very small readership. Because of the very, very close relationship I share with the two of you who are reading, I know I have not always been nice to you. And I'm sorry. I'm still trying.
If I could be known by just one virtue, I would want it to be that I am nice. Actually, I'd prefer if you use the word kind. It seems classier somehow.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--19
Storytelling
One of our kids' favorite things to do is to listen to stories about themselves. They love it when Chris and I start talking about when they were little. We have our favorite stories that are repeated over and over until they become the stuff of legend. It's as entertaining to them as watching old family videos. (They like the videos. They make their friends watch them when we have guests.)
When we were in college, my brother and I bought a little tiny Welsh flag at the bookstore. We sat in an area that was known as "the campus living room" and waved our flag. Neither of us like to draw attention to ourselves, so we waved it very discreetly. We quietly protested the fact that no one pays any attention to the Welsh minority on campus. We made ourselves laugh. Then we decided we needed a bigger flag. This was in the days before Google, so we had to talk to a human.
Two years earlier, I had taken Welsh 101. It may have been Welsh 100. Anyway, it was a language class. My teacher, Dr. Dennis, recognized my name on the first day of class because he knows my uncle and he knew exactly who my ancestors are. Dr. Dennis is an expert in Welsh Mormon history and he knew more about my ancestors than I did. Much, much more. On the day of the campus-wide Welsh-minority protest, my brother and I went to Dr. Dennis' office to ask him where to buy a big flag. He looked up some information for us and then asked us to take a seat. He started to tell us about our ancestor, John Davis. Dr. Dennis calls John Davis his personal hero. Other than his name, I didn't really know anything about him at the time. This day was life changing for me. I think I can honestly say that. It started my interest in my own history, my own family history. I also learned that my personal pride in being of Welsh descent doesn't come from staging a protest--no matter how much fun that is. It comes from learning my identity as part of a family.
My idea of doing family history is to corner my Uncle Bert at family parties and make him tell me stories. He has so much in his mind, and I want to know what he knows! I have written some of the stories down and others I try to tell often so that they are fresh in my mind. We have a handful of books written by my grandma and my mother that tell their personal history. These stories are so important. They help me to get to know my mom and grandma and to appreciate them so much more.
My great-grandpa was called Daddy Don by family members. He died before I was born. But I feel like I know him. It's because of the stories. My mom was very close to her grandparents and she naturally talked about them often. Sometimes I forget that I never met this person, Daddy Don, who is so real in my mind. I can imagine his tenderness at holding his great-granddaughter, Lisa, and then using her as an excuse to start to attend church. "Someone's got to hold the baby." I can imagine how I think he sounded when he complained about an episode of Hawaii 5-O being continued until the next week.
It's nice to have a lot of facts, names, dates, and places, about our relatives. But it's so much more meaningful to me to have stories, to get to know their personalities, and to feel a connection. I am not a good creative writer--if I had to tell a made-up story, I wouldn't know where to start or what to have happen or how to end it. I can't even think of a halfway decent character. But I can repeat real stories in fun ways.
I know for sure that the stories of my parents, grandparents, and other relatives have shaped my own identity. I hope I tell enough stories for my kids to understand where they came from. Family stories are important to me.
One of our kids' favorite things to do is to listen to stories about themselves. They love it when Chris and I start talking about when they were little. We have our favorite stories that are repeated over and over until they become the stuff of legend. It's as entertaining to them as watching old family videos. (They like the videos. They make their friends watch them when we have guests.)
When we were in college, my brother and I bought a little tiny Welsh flag at the bookstore. We sat in an area that was known as "the campus living room" and waved our flag. Neither of us like to draw attention to ourselves, so we waved it very discreetly. We quietly protested the fact that no one pays any attention to the Welsh minority on campus. We made ourselves laugh. Then we decided we needed a bigger flag. This was in the days before Google, so we had to talk to a human.
Two years earlier, I had taken Welsh 101. It may have been Welsh 100. Anyway, it was a language class. My teacher, Dr. Dennis, recognized my name on the first day of class because he knows my uncle and he knew exactly who my ancestors are. Dr. Dennis is an expert in Welsh Mormon history and he knew more about my ancestors than I did. Much, much more. On the day of the campus-wide Welsh-minority protest, my brother and I went to Dr. Dennis' office to ask him where to buy a big flag. He looked up some information for us and then asked us to take a seat. He started to tell us about our ancestor, John Davis. Dr. Dennis calls John Davis his personal hero. Other than his name, I didn't really know anything about him at the time. This day was life changing for me. I think I can honestly say that. It started my interest in my own history, my own family history. I also learned that my personal pride in being of Welsh descent doesn't come from staging a protest--no matter how much fun that is. It comes from learning my identity as part of a family.
My idea of doing family history is to corner my Uncle Bert at family parties and make him tell me stories. He has so much in his mind, and I want to know what he knows! I have written some of the stories down and others I try to tell often so that they are fresh in my mind. We have a handful of books written by my grandma and my mother that tell their personal history. These stories are so important. They help me to get to know my mom and grandma and to appreciate them so much more.
My great-grandpa was called Daddy Don by family members. He died before I was born. But I feel like I know him. It's because of the stories. My mom was very close to her grandparents and she naturally talked about them often. Sometimes I forget that I never met this person, Daddy Don, who is so real in my mind. I can imagine his tenderness at holding his great-granddaughter, Lisa, and then using her as an excuse to start to attend church. "Someone's got to hold the baby." I can imagine how I think he sounded when he complained about an episode of Hawaii 5-O being continued until the next week.
It's nice to have a lot of facts, names, dates, and places, about our relatives. But it's so much more meaningful to me to have stories, to get to know their personalities, and to feel a connection. I am not a good creative writer--if I had to tell a made-up story, I wouldn't know where to start or what to have happen or how to end it. I can't even think of a halfway decent character. But I can repeat real stories in fun ways.
I know for sure that the stories of my parents, grandparents, and other relatives have shaped my own identity. I hope I tell enough stories for my kids to understand where they came from. Family stories are important to me.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--20
Handling the Truth
There is such a thing as truth. Not "my" truth and "your" truth, just straight up truth. It follows that there is such a thing as error. There is such a thing as right and wrong. Good and bad.
I can't believe that not everybody realizes this. It seems pretty simple. Because we live in a confusing world, my very simple life philosophy is actually quite controversial.
If I want to be living well, I need to find out what is true and what is right. It's not enough to discover what works for me. Truth is bigger than my perception of reality. I need to expand my horizons.
If I want to be living well, I need to find out what is true and what is right. It's not enough to discover what works for me. Truth is bigger than my perception of reality. I need to expand my horizons.
There is such a thing as eternity. God is the source of truth. It's very difficult to discern truth by studying the myriad of philosophies of modern social sciences. Honest truth seekers need to approach God. The difficult part of this is that God's truth (which is the only truth) isn't always comfortable. It isn't always easy. However, it is always right.
I seek the truth. I want to follow God in every thing, even when it it is difficult.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--21
Good Afternoon!
Have you ever noticed that everything worth doing ought to be done in the morning? I tend to hear this advice all the time. It's best to exercise in the morning! Eat a good breakfast; it's the most important meal of the day! Read your scriptures first thing in the morning; it will start your day off right! Do the housework early so you can enjoy the rest of the day! Home schooling families should start school bright and early when minds are awake! Bathe the children! Start a load of laundry! Make your bed! And on and on...
If I am to be perfectly honest, I am not a morning person. I want to be. I've tried to be. I have great goals to become such. But I am not. I am at my best in the afternoon. And I am at my even better best in the evening. I used to be at my best best late at night, but now I'm old. (Not that old. I'm in the middle.) I went through a stage--for many years--when I felt like I was unproductive and failing at life because I didn't get everything done in the morning. If I didn't start school by 9:00 a.m., I thought it wasn't worthwhile to start it at all. Why bother with the housework? If I didn't get the breakfast dishes done by noon, there's no chance I'll accomplish anything. And exercise? Who has time to exercise in the morning when you have little children? Oh dear. It's already 11:00 a.m. I'll get no laundry done today.
And then one day, I discovered the afternoon! I found out the amazing truth that there is still a lot of day left to live after lunch. If I have a late morning, I can start school at 10:30 or even 11:00, and we can still have a full school day. I can sweep the floor just before dinner. I can read my scriptures in the evening. The day is long! The first time I stuck to a real exercise schedule was when I found a yoga class that started at 9:00 p.m. This is the best time for me.
I still try to make my mornings useful and meaningful. I still pester myself with goals to get up earlier and do my work first. However, I don't have to wait until morning for a fresh start to a day. I can start anytime, all day long, and turn my day into something worthwhile. (I am especially productive right after my power nap--which I don't take every day.)
Have you ever noticed that everything worth doing ought to be done in the morning? I tend to hear this advice all the time. It's best to exercise in the morning! Eat a good breakfast; it's the most important meal of the day! Read your scriptures first thing in the morning; it will start your day off right! Do the housework early so you can enjoy the rest of the day! Home schooling families should start school bright and early when minds are awake! Bathe the children! Start a load of laundry! Make your bed! And on and on...
If I am to be perfectly honest, I am not a morning person. I want to be. I've tried to be. I have great goals to become such. But I am not. I am at my best in the afternoon. And I am at my even better best in the evening. I used to be at my best best late at night, but now I'm old. (Not that old. I'm in the middle.) I went through a stage--for many years--when I felt like I was unproductive and failing at life because I didn't get everything done in the morning. If I didn't start school by 9:00 a.m., I thought it wasn't worthwhile to start it at all. Why bother with the housework? If I didn't get the breakfast dishes done by noon, there's no chance I'll accomplish anything. And exercise? Who has time to exercise in the morning when you have little children? Oh dear. It's already 11:00 a.m. I'll get no laundry done today.
And then one day, I discovered the afternoon! I found out the amazing truth that there is still a lot of day left to live after lunch. If I have a late morning, I can start school at 10:30 or even 11:00, and we can still have a full school day. I can sweep the floor just before dinner. I can read my scriptures in the evening. The day is long! The first time I stuck to a real exercise schedule was when I found a yoga class that started at 9:00 p.m. This is the best time for me.
I still try to make my mornings useful and meaningful. I still pester myself with goals to get up earlier and do my work first. However, I don't have to wait until morning for a fresh start to a day. I can start anytime, all day long, and turn my day into something worthwhile. (I am especially productive right after my power nap--which I don't take every day.)
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--22
I Need a Nap
Some of my life philosophies are more profound than others. This one will take your breath away. I like to sleep when I am tired. I see no sense in fighting it. If I am tired in the day, I take a nap. Not a long nap, that doesn't help me. I like a power nap. Twenty minutes in early afternoon is better for me than two hours at night. Why? I don't know! But I like a good nap.
It's common advice given to young mothers: sleep when the baby sleeps. Yes! I did that! And when they stopped sleeping enough, I slept while they watched Curious George on PBS Kids. Now I've got the kids so well-trained that I don't even have to have the t.v. on to take a quick nap!
I don't like long naps. They waste my time. I relish a short nap. I have fought the sleep for years. I thought sleeping and being tired was a sign of weakness. I thought it was embarrassing that I napped. But I have embraced it. It makes me better for the rest of the day if I get enough sleep.
Lest you misunderstand, I don't nap every day. I try to get my best sleep at night. But sometimes, I'm tired in the daytime. And when that happens, I know how to fix it.
You may think this is a really silly thing to list as an actual life philosophy. I've heard living in New York described as a "culture of stress." I don't like stress. Proper sleep cuts down on stress, improves my health, helps me to remember to be patient and kind, clears my mind, and increases my energy. Like I said, I know it's best if I get all of that done in the night hours. If not, I welcome the power nap!
Some of my life philosophies are more profound than others. This one will take your breath away. I like to sleep when I am tired. I see no sense in fighting it. If I am tired in the day, I take a nap. Not a long nap, that doesn't help me. I like a power nap. Twenty minutes in early afternoon is better for me than two hours at night. Why? I don't know! But I like a good nap.
It's common advice given to young mothers: sleep when the baby sleeps. Yes! I did that! And when they stopped sleeping enough, I slept while they watched Curious George on PBS Kids. Now I've got the kids so well-trained that I don't even have to have the t.v. on to take a quick nap!
I don't like long naps. They waste my time. I relish a short nap. I have fought the sleep for years. I thought sleeping and being tired was a sign of weakness. I thought it was embarrassing that I napped. But I have embraced it. It makes me better for the rest of the day if I get enough sleep.
Lest you misunderstand, I don't nap every day. I try to get my best sleep at night. But sometimes, I'm tired in the daytime. And when that happens, I know how to fix it.
You may think this is a really silly thing to list as an actual life philosophy. I've heard living in New York described as a "culture of stress." I don't like stress. Proper sleep cuts down on stress, improves my health, helps me to remember to be patient and kind, clears my mind, and increases my energy. Like I said, I know it's best if I get all of that done in the night hours. If not, I welcome the power nap!
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--23
There are two sides to every story.
It's a pretty simple philosophy. And it's definitely not original. But it's a good one. Along the same lines is, "There has got to be more to that story." When I hear things, I try to remember that everyone speaks from a place of perspective and bias (whether intended or not). There is usually more to the story. There are at least two sides, sometimes many, many more.
I took a class for my major called Political Geography. I loved that class! My professor's emphasis of expertise was in the Middle East. He took a little extra time to teach us about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. When I was in college a long, long time ago, American media had a decidedly pro-Israel stance to their reporting. When my professor taught us the history and background of that area, I was genuinely surprised to learn that Palestinians have a side. They have a point. I'm not saying which side is right or wrong. I'm simply saying that there are two sides to that story. In the context of world politics, understanding the multi-faceted nature of different conflicts is especially enlightening.
When my own children come to me to discuss a conflict with a friend or sibling, I try to help them look at it from the other person's point of view. We try to understand where that person is coming from and why they behave the way they do. I don't excuse bad behavior, but understanding why helps me find resolution.
Whether the conflict is relatively little--like sibling rivalry--or incredibly big--like territorial disputes over ancestral land--there are two sides to every story. There is always more to the story. Even if I can't learn the other side, it's worthwhile to just remember that there is another side before I jump to conclusions.
It's a pretty simple philosophy. And it's definitely not original. But it's a good one. Along the same lines is, "There has got to be more to that story." When I hear things, I try to remember that everyone speaks from a place of perspective and bias (whether intended or not). There is usually more to the story. There are at least two sides, sometimes many, many more.
I took a class for my major called Political Geography. I loved that class! My professor's emphasis of expertise was in the Middle East. He took a little extra time to teach us about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. When I was in college a long, long time ago, American media had a decidedly pro-Israel stance to their reporting. When my professor taught us the history and background of that area, I was genuinely surprised to learn that Palestinians have a side. They have a point. I'm not saying which side is right or wrong. I'm simply saying that there are two sides to that story. In the context of world politics, understanding the multi-faceted nature of different conflicts is especially enlightening.
When my own children come to me to discuss a conflict with a friend or sibling, I try to help them look at it from the other person's point of view. We try to understand where that person is coming from and why they behave the way they do. I don't excuse bad behavior, but understanding why helps me find resolution.
Whether the conflict is relatively little--like sibling rivalry--or incredibly big--like territorial disputes over ancestral land--there are two sides to every story. There is always more to the story. Even if I can't learn the other side, it's worthwhile to just remember that there is another side before I jump to conclusions.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--24
On Being an Individual
At my bridal shower, we played a game. My cousin had asked Chris all sorts of questions. Then she asked me the same questions to see if we got the same answers. One of the questions was, "What is Megan's biggest pet peeve?" I didn't know what it was until I heard Chris' answer. He said that I hate stereotypes. By George, I think he's right!
I do not like to be stereotyped. I am a blond, blue-eyed, Mormon from Utah. I am a married stay-at-home mom, BYU graduate, and returned missionary. When people find those things out about me, they think they know all there is to know. (Not all people. If I thought that, I would be stereotyping them.)
I have a story. It may be similar to other people's, but it is MINE! No one else has had my same experiences. I enjoy getting to know people and I love it when people get to know me a little before assuming anything about me.
I've heard a few LDS women talk about how they don't fit in with all the other LDS women, but they have found a way to use their talents in the church. I am grateful and happy that they've found their place--because we all have a place in the Kingdom of God. We each have unique talents to offer. But what bothers me is that they assume all the other women have the same talents, the same strengths, and they alone are unique. It doesn't work like that.
Even if my sister and I both scrapbook, we do it differently. Our records of our families reflect our own interests and talents. (At this point, I only scrapbook in my head. Someday I'll take care of all that. To everything there is a season.) I don't care how many stay-at-home moms there are, we each have a unique parenting style that reflects our own tastes and priorities. We have different things we emphasize and appreciate.
When we use stereotypes to describe large groups of people, we start to feel like we don't fit in, like we don't have a place. Today, I read a talk by President Uchtdorf and I really appreciated this section: "If you could see into our hearts, you would probably find that you fit in better than you suppose. You might be surprised to find that we have yearnings and struggles and hopes similar to yours."
I feel very strongly that people are people. As children of God, we have so much in common. We can reach across socio-economic barriers and age differences and cultural boundaries and find people who are simply that: people. Individuals with unique stories and familiar hearts. People worth getting to know as individuals.
I really appreciate it when people I meet take the time to get to know me. I hope I extend the same courtesy to others.
At my bridal shower, we played a game. My cousin had asked Chris all sorts of questions. Then she asked me the same questions to see if we got the same answers. One of the questions was, "What is Megan's biggest pet peeve?" I didn't know what it was until I heard Chris' answer. He said that I hate stereotypes. By George, I think he's right!
I do not like to be stereotyped. I am a blond, blue-eyed, Mormon from Utah. I am a married stay-at-home mom, BYU graduate, and returned missionary. When people find those things out about me, they think they know all there is to know. (Not all people. If I thought that, I would be stereotyping them.)
I have a story. It may be similar to other people's, but it is MINE! No one else has had my same experiences. I enjoy getting to know people and I love it when people get to know me a little before assuming anything about me.
I've heard a few LDS women talk about how they don't fit in with all the other LDS women, but they have found a way to use their talents in the church. I am grateful and happy that they've found their place--because we all have a place in the Kingdom of God. We each have unique talents to offer. But what bothers me is that they assume all the other women have the same talents, the same strengths, and they alone are unique. It doesn't work like that.
Even if my sister and I both scrapbook, we do it differently. Our records of our families reflect our own interests and talents. (At this point, I only scrapbook in my head. Someday I'll take care of all that. To everything there is a season.) I don't care how many stay-at-home moms there are, we each have a unique parenting style that reflects our own tastes and priorities. We have different things we emphasize and appreciate.
When we use stereotypes to describe large groups of people, we start to feel like we don't fit in, like we don't have a place. Today, I read a talk by President Uchtdorf and I really appreciated this section: "If you could see into our hearts, you would probably find that you fit in better than you suppose. You might be surprised to find that we have yearnings and struggles and hopes similar to yours."
I feel very strongly that people are people. As children of God, we have so much in common. We can reach across socio-economic barriers and age differences and cultural boundaries and find people who are simply that: people. Individuals with unique stories and familiar hearts. People worth getting to know as individuals.
I really appreciate it when people I meet take the time to get to know me. I hope I extend the same courtesy to others.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--25
Finding Beauty in the Desert
I am very grateful that I grew up in a desert environment. Utah is beautiful. I was taught by my parents--by example--to find beauty even in barren places. Scattered wildflowers in a desert landscape are breathtaking--but you have to look to see them. The rock formations (even in northern Utah) are grand and awe-inspiring. Chris and I have driven together across northern Nevada so very many times. I think it's beautiful. There is always something to see, some wonder of creation, that is pleasing.
I think it is easy to find beauty in a more traditionally beautiful place: gardens, forests, lakes and oceans, places of abundance. Because it can be a little harder to recognize beauty in desert places, it is something that has given my life meaning. I am so happy that Chris finds beauty wherever he goes, as well. We had so much fun driving across the country and enjoying the wide variety of landscapes. (I admit, we did struggle to find the beauty in eastern Wyoming and southern Nevada. I'll have to try again.)
(Please, if you love the landscape of Utah, don't pretend to be offended that I said it wasn't traditionally beautiful. You know as well as I do that there are plenty of people who don't see the beauty in Utah. And if you love eastern Wyoming or southern Nevada, please take heart. I'm willing to keep trying.)
I think it's a metaphor for life, really. Looking for beauty and meaning when at first glance, something is not impressive or is even dull. Life's experiences, people we meet, jobs, service in the church--all of these things have times of amazing, recognizable beauty, and times of unimpressive dullness. But I think developing the skill to recognize beauty in desert places enriches all areas of life.
Life is beautiful wherever I am.
I am very grateful that I grew up in a desert environment. Utah is beautiful. I was taught by my parents--by example--to find beauty even in barren places. Scattered wildflowers in a desert landscape are breathtaking--but you have to look to see them. The rock formations (even in northern Utah) are grand and awe-inspiring. Chris and I have driven together across northern Nevada so very many times. I think it's beautiful. There is always something to see, some wonder of creation, that is pleasing.
I think it is easy to find beauty in a more traditionally beautiful place: gardens, forests, lakes and oceans, places of abundance. Because it can be a little harder to recognize beauty in desert places, it is something that has given my life meaning. I am so happy that Chris finds beauty wherever he goes, as well. We had so much fun driving across the country and enjoying the wide variety of landscapes. (I admit, we did struggle to find the beauty in eastern Wyoming and southern Nevada. I'll have to try again.)
(Please, if you love the landscape of Utah, don't pretend to be offended that I said it wasn't traditionally beautiful. You know as well as I do that there are plenty of people who don't see the beauty in Utah. And if you love eastern Wyoming or southern Nevada, please take heart. I'm willing to keep trying.)
I think it's a metaphor for life, really. Looking for beauty and meaning when at first glance, something is not impressive or is even dull. Life's experiences, people we meet, jobs, service in the church--all of these things have times of amazing, recognizable beauty, and times of unimpressive dullness. But I think developing the skill to recognize beauty in desert places enriches all areas of life.
Life is beautiful wherever I am.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--26
Jolly Holidays
I like to celebrate holidays. I like to celebrate the way I like to celebrate which may not be the way you like to celebrate. Many of our celebrations are deeply rooted in tradition. Other celebrations are pretty sporadic depending on my mood that year.
We don't do pretend or magic. I know some people think that's terrible. I never believed in Santa as a child, and I carried that on with my own kids. We don't believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Cupid, Leprechauns, Yankee Doodle Dandy, the Labor Day Elf, or Pilgrims and Indians. I don't think it hurts our celebrations. It's been helpful for our kids to understand that their Christmas gifts aren't dependent on their behavior, but on our budget. They know that the gifts we get are representative of the love Chris and I have for them. I don't begrudge or question families who celebrate with all kinds of magic. It just doesn't fit my personality.
Like I said before, I do like our holidays to be meaningful. We are more likely to learn about St. Patrick's use of the clover to teach the Catholic belief in the holy Trinity (and compare it to the doctrine on the Godhead) than we are to dye our milk green. This last January, we were really busy on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, but my oldest son reminded us to sit down together to watch "I Have a Dream." When we lived in Utah, we spent Memorial Day weekend visiting cemeteries and retelling stories of family members who have passed away. I love the patriotic tradition of watching a parade on the 4th of July.
Christmas and Easter are sacred holidays for us. I enjoy the fun of stuffing stockings and dying eggs, but we spend the majority of our efforts remembering our Savior. To me, Thanksgiving is also a sacred holiday as it is a day set aside to express gratitude to God for all He has given us. I thoroughly enjoy hosting parties, going to any kind of celebration, having an excuse to decorate, and even cooking. I don't enjoy cooking regularly, but I like the traditions of holiday food.
Some years, depending on how much energy I have that week, we celebrate some obscure holidays with gusto. Dr. Seuss' birthday, for example, is a lot of fun. I love to take little opportunities for a party. I don't feel pressured by the way other people celebrate. I don't even have a Pinterest account, so that frees me from a lot of holiday stress. (I'm kidding.)
This is my deep thought for today: I like to celebrate holidays. I choose to celebrate simply and frugally, but hopefully meaningfully. It's fun. And fun is good. (That's what Dr. Seuss said.)
I like to celebrate holidays. I like to celebrate the way I like to celebrate which may not be the way you like to celebrate. Many of our celebrations are deeply rooted in tradition. Other celebrations are pretty sporadic depending on my mood that year.
We don't do pretend or magic. I know some people think that's terrible. I never believed in Santa as a child, and I carried that on with my own kids. We don't believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Cupid, Leprechauns, Yankee Doodle Dandy, the Labor Day Elf, or Pilgrims and Indians. I don't think it hurts our celebrations. It's been helpful for our kids to understand that their Christmas gifts aren't dependent on their behavior, but on our budget. They know that the gifts we get are representative of the love Chris and I have for them. I don't begrudge or question families who celebrate with all kinds of magic. It just doesn't fit my personality.
Like I said before, I do like our holidays to be meaningful. We are more likely to learn about St. Patrick's use of the clover to teach the Catholic belief in the holy Trinity (and compare it to the doctrine on the Godhead) than we are to dye our milk green. This last January, we were really busy on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, but my oldest son reminded us to sit down together to watch "I Have a Dream." When we lived in Utah, we spent Memorial Day weekend visiting cemeteries and retelling stories of family members who have passed away. I love the patriotic tradition of watching a parade on the 4th of July.
Christmas and Easter are sacred holidays for us. I enjoy the fun of stuffing stockings and dying eggs, but we spend the majority of our efforts remembering our Savior. To me, Thanksgiving is also a sacred holiday as it is a day set aside to express gratitude to God for all He has given us. I thoroughly enjoy hosting parties, going to any kind of celebration, having an excuse to decorate, and even cooking. I don't enjoy cooking regularly, but I like the traditions of holiday food.
Some years, depending on how much energy I have that week, we celebrate some obscure holidays with gusto. Dr. Seuss' birthday, for example, is a lot of fun. I love to take little opportunities for a party. I don't feel pressured by the way other people celebrate. I don't even have a Pinterest account, so that frees me from a lot of holiday stress. (I'm kidding.)
This is my deep thought for today: I like to celebrate holidays. I choose to celebrate simply and frugally, but hopefully meaningfully. It's fun. And fun is good. (That's what Dr. Seuss said.)
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--27
To Everything There is a Season
For my 16th birthday, I received a card in the mail. It was from my grandma, who lived about forty-five minutes away from us. She was getting older and couldn't drive as far alone. On the card, she wrote, "I miss coming up for all the birthdays, but to everything there is a season." I love that card. My grandma was wonderful and I knew she loved me, but she wasn't particularly sentimental and mushy. Her brief birthday message spoke volumes.
I know the phrase is from the Bible and has inspired music, art, and probably literature, but to me, it's a message from my grandma. I think of it as personal advice. Life goes through stages. Whatever stage I am currently in won't last forever. It's important to love the stage I'm in and accept that I'm not in a different stage. There are so many things I would like to do that I can't do while my children are young. That's okay. To everything there is a season. I'll have time.
Grandma was a great example of this. I believe she learned to play the piano after she retired. When I knew her, she was an accomplished musician. I'm working on my mid-life philosophies, which means I have plenty of time to continue to learn and accomplish things. There is no need to feel stress, regret, envy, or disappointment that I can't do everything right now.
There are some things from the past that I enjoyed so much and miss, like teaching at the MTC and living close to my family. I choose not to wallow in despair because those parts of my life are gone. Instead, I cherish the memories and the relationships and lessons learned while I enjoy my present.
The fun part of this philosophy is that my life is constantly changing. What I didn't have time for a few years ago, I can do now. When the children were very young, I found it difficult to read for my own enjoyment. I have that time now and I enjoy it.
Life is constantly changing. There are many seasons of life and each season holds different opportunities.
For my 16th birthday, I received a card in the mail. It was from my grandma, who lived about forty-five minutes away from us. She was getting older and couldn't drive as far alone. On the card, she wrote, "I miss coming up for all the birthdays, but to everything there is a season." I love that card. My grandma was wonderful and I knew she loved me, but she wasn't particularly sentimental and mushy. Her brief birthday message spoke volumes.
I know the phrase is from the Bible and has inspired music, art, and probably literature, but to me, it's a message from my grandma. I think of it as personal advice. Life goes through stages. Whatever stage I am currently in won't last forever. It's important to love the stage I'm in and accept that I'm not in a different stage. There are so many things I would like to do that I can't do while my children are young. That's okay. To everything there is a season. I'll have time.
Grandma was a great example of this. I believe she learned to play the piano after she retired. When I knew her, she was an accomplished musician. I'm working on my mid-life philosophies, which means I have plenty of time to continue to learn and accomplish things. There is no need to feel stress, regret, envy, or disappointment that I can't do everything right now.
There are some things from the past that I enjoyed so much and miss, like teaching at the MTC and living close to my family. I choose not to wallow in despair because those parts of my life are gone. Instead, I cherish the memories and the relationships and lessons learned while I enjoy my present.
The fun part of this philosophy is that my life is constantly changing. What I didn't have time for a few years ago, I can do now. When the children were very young, I found it difficult to read for my own enjoyment. I have that time now and I enjoy it.
Life is constantly changing. There are many seasons of life and each season holds different opportunities.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--28
Finding a Balance
As a teenager, I had a teacher who talked about truth and balance. He said there are extremes to any position, but the truth found in the gospel of Jesus Christ is usually a balance in the middle. The example he gave that I remember was of chauvinism on one side, feminism on the other side, and true equality in the middle.
I have used this idea for greater understanding on a number of issues. Today I was thinking about it because my daughter was watching the movie The Lorax. It is based on a story by Dr. Seuss, but there was some artistic license taken in order to get a children's book into a feature-length film. I started thinking about environmentalism and exploitation, extremes and balance. I majored in natural resource management. I considered it a green degree before anyone had coined the phrase green degree. I was green before it was cool. (I was like a hippie hipster.)
My reason for choosing this degree is found in the Doctrine and Covenants. After listing some of the many ways we can use the earth God created for us, it says, "And it pleaseth God that he hath given all these things unto man; for unto this end were they made to be used, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion."
I know I said at the beginning of my philosophies that I wasn't going to be quoting a lot. I made an exception. This scripture is a pretty big deal to me because I used it to choose a major. I felt like, at that time, there were extremists in the environmental movement--those who would place the worth of a small insect or bird above the needs of human beings. And of course, there are extremists in development and exploitation of the earth's natural resources. I feel like the best way is a balance: to use the earth, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion. We need to accept that some development is necessary for human life but it's best to develop in a way that is least disruptive to the natural ecosystems.
That is just one example of the ways that I try to find balance between extremes. It's my way of seeking wisdom.
As a teenager, I had a teacher who talked about truth and balance. He said there are extremes to any position, but the truth found in the gospel of Jesus Christ is usually a balance in the middle. The example he gave that I remember was of chauvinism on one side, feminism on the other side, and true equality in the middle.
I have used this idea for greater understanding on a number of issues. Today I was thinking about it because my daughter was watching the movie The Lorax. It is based on a story by Dr. Seuss, but there was some artistic license taken in order to get a children's book into a feature-length film. I started thinking about environmentalism and exploitation, extremes and balance. I majored in natural resource management. I considered it a green degree before anyone had coined the phrase green degree. I was green before it was cool. (I was like a hippie hipster.)
My reason for choosing this degree is found in the Doctrine and Covenants. After listing some of the many ways we can use the earth God created for us, it says, "And it pleaseth God that he hath given all these things unto man; for unto this end were they made to be used, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion."
I know I said at the beginning of my philosophies that I wasn't going to be quoting a lot. I made an exception. This scripture is a pretty big deal to me because I used it to choose a major. I felt like, at that time, there were extremists in the environmental movement--those who would place the worth of a small insect or bird above the needs of human beings. And of course, there are extremists in development and exploitation of the earth's natural resources. I feel like the best way is a balance: to use the earth, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion. We need to accept that some development is necessary for human life but it's best to develop in a way that is least disruptive to the natural ecosystems.
That is just one example of the ways that I try to find balance between extremes. It's my way of seeking wisdom.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--29
Discovering What I Believe
When I have something on my mind, I write about it. I have files of my own opinion papers. Sometimes I'm spurred to write because I read something that bugged me. Sometimes I am asked a question and don't know quite how to answer it. Sometimes I just want to record my own thoughts because I like my thoughts.
The amazing thing about writing out my thoughts is that sometimes I surprise myself. As I go through my reasoning and try to put words on paper, I discover my own beliefs. I usually know what I believe, but sometimes I have been surprised. When I write it out, I might find that my reasoning is weak and I need to put more thought into a subject. I might find that my priorities are slightly different than I thought.
I think I'm making this sound like I'm fickle and don't know where I stand on anything. That's not what I mean. Often, when I write out my thoughts, my opinions are solidified and I understand them better. It's a great way to organize the many ideas and thoughts I have in my head. I can see how things fit together and what is relevant. I think it's a great exercise.
I know that the majority of my blog readers are my family. I imagine many of my family members do this same thing. Writing is a great way to express myself, even if no one ever reads what I write.
When I have something on my mind, I write about it. I have files of my own opinion papers. Sometimes I'm spurred to write because I read something that bugged me. Sometimes I am asked a question and don't know quite how to answer it. Sometimes I just want to record my own thoughts because I like my thoughts.
The amazing thing about writing out my thoughts is that sometimes I surprise myself. As I go through my reasoning and try to put words on paper, I discover my own beliefs. I usually know what I believe, but sometimes I have been surprised. When I write it out, I might find that my reasoning is weak and I need to put more thought into a subject. I might find that my priorities are slightly different than I thought.
I think I'm making this sound like I'm fickle and don't know where I stand on anything. That's not what I mean. Often, when I write out my thoughts, my opinions are solidified and I understand them better. It's a great way to organize the many ideas and thoughts I have in my head. I can see how things fit together and what is relevant. I think it's a great exercise.
I know that the majority of my blog readers are my family. I imagine many of my family members do this same thing. Writing is a great way to express myself, even if no one ever reads what I write.
Mid-Life Philosophy--30
Follow the Prophet
We just finished a delightful day being instructed by the leaders of our church. Last week, my daughter and I invited some friends to attend the General Women's Meeting with us. They couldn't come, but my friend responded, "I'm very curious what will be said at a denomination wide event." I have been thinking about that all week. We have denomination wide events every six months. I don't think I take it for granted. I am one who sits still and takes notes while I listen to General Conference. I try to read the talks and familiarize myself with the teachings. I make goals based on what I hear. Even so, because of the frequency of our worldwide events, I forget exactly how special they are. Ours is possibly the only church in the world that regularly holds global meetings. What a blessing it is for me to hear and follow a living prophet.
And now I get to my life philosophy. This one is most definitely religious. I follow the living prophet. I am grateful to have apostles on the earth who testify boldly of the Savior and His mission. I am grateful that the prophets can clearly and plainly see the challenges I face, the questions I have, and then teach the perspective of eternity. I know that it is because Jesus Christ leads the church through revelation that the teachings of the prophets are so relevant, bold, and powerful.
I gained a solid testimony of a living prophet during my freshman year at college. I chose at that time to always stay close to the teachings of the prophets. I have kept this goal to the best of my ability. It's not always easy, but it is always right.
There is safety and peace in following the prophet.
We just finished a delightful day being instructed by the leaders of our church. Last week, my daughter and I invited some friends to attend the General Women's Meeting with us. They couldn't come, but my friend responded, "I'm very curious what will be said at a denomination wide event." I have been thinking about that all week. We have denomination wide events every six months. I don't think I take it for granted. I am one who sits still and takes notes while I listen to General Conference. I try to read the talks and familiarize myself with the teachings. I make goals based on what I hear. Even so, because of the frequency of our worldwide events, I forget exactly how special they are. Ours is possibly the only church in the world that regularly holds global meetings. What a blessing it is for me to hear and follow a living prophet.
And now I get to my life philosophy. This one is most definitely religious. I follow the living prophet. I am grateful to have apostles on the earth who testify boldly of the Savior and His mission. I am grateful that the prophets can clearly and plainly see the challenges I face, the questions I have, and then teach the perspective of eternity. I know that it is because Jesus Christ leads the church through revelation that the teachings of the prophets are so relevant, bold, and powerful.
I gained a solid testimony of a living prophet during my freshman year at college. I chose at that time to always stay close to the teachings of the prophets. I have kept this goal to the best of my ability. It's not always easy, but it is always right.
There is safety and peace in following the prophet.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--31
Passion Without Anger
In a conversation with a friend, I said something about what a wonderful thing we have in our country: free public schools. My friend looked at me in surprise. She couldn't believe she heard that from me because I home school. I realized that in all the time we have been friends, I've never explained to her the reasons I home school. Briefly stated, it is not because I have anything against public schools.
If I am going to dedicate as much of my life to home school as I have, you better believe I feel passionately about it. I could talk endlessly about the benefits for my family. But I stand out from some (NOT ALL) of my home schooling buddies in the fact that I think our public school system is remarkable.
This is what I like to call passion without anger. I can, feasibly, love and support my alma mater without any kind of ill feeling toward our "rival." I can love my country with passionate patriotism and still hold no animosity toward another country. Sometimes I hear it said that anger stirs people to action. That may be, but it also divides people and makes it difficult to communicate respect and tolerance.
Passion and anger don't have to be one and the same.
In a conversation with a friend, I said something about what a wonderful thing we have in our country: free public schools. My friend looked at me in surprise. She couldn't believe she heard that from me because I home school. I realized that in all the time we have been friends, I've never explained to her the reasons I home school. Briefly stated, it is not because I have anything against public schools.
If I am going to dedicate as much of my life to home school as I have, you better believe I feel passionately about it. I could talk endlessly about the benefits for my family. But I stand out from some (NOT ALL) of my home schooling buddies in the fact that I think our public school system is remarkable.
This is what I like to call passion without anger. I can, feasibly, love and support my alma mater without any kind of ill feeling toward our "rival." I can love my country with passionate patriotism and still hold no animosity toward another country. Sometimes I hear it said that anger stirs people to action. That may be, but it also divides people and makes it difficult to communicate respect and tolerance.
Passion and anger don't have to be one and the same.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--32
Changing the World
I recently attended a workshop on how to write a personal history. The teacher emphasized that our lives and experiences would be important to our children and grandchildren even if, to us, our lives seem pretty ordinary and not worth recording. I leaned over to my friend and said, "I think my life is extraordinary." I think my friend thought I was kidding.
I wasn't.
When I was a teenager, I decided to change the world. I recycled. I turned off lights that weren't in use. I conserved water. I took public transportation when possible. I never littered. I didn't wonder how one little person doing such little things could possibly make a difference. I knew that if everybody did little things, it would make a world of difference.
I continue to change the world with little things. I believe I change the world by being a good mother. I try to be positive in my online interactions. I try to be kind to strangers, including salespeople. I try to drive politely. I share my beliefs and testimony when I can. I know my influence is small, but it is big enough to be meaningful.
I believe my life is extraordinary. My day-to-day responsibilities and interactions have purpose and meaning. I don't think my life is better than anyone else's. We all live extraordinary lives. My life is filled with extraordinary people. I see you everywhere. And we are all changing the world--for better or worse.
This perspective helps me find great contentment and fulfillment and peace.
I recently attended a workshop on how to write a personal history. The teacher emphasized that our lives and experiences would be important to our children and grandchildren even if, to us, our lives seem pretty ordinary and not worth recording. I leaned over to my friend and said, "I think my life is extraordinary." I think my friend thought I was kidding.
I wasn't.
When I was a teenager, I decided to change the world. I recycled. I turned off lights that weren't in use. I conserved water. I took public transportation when possible. I never littered. I didn't wonder how one little person doing such little things could possibly make a difference. I knew that if everybody did little things, it would make a world of difference.
I continue to change the world with little things. I believe I change the world by being a good mother. I try to be positive in my online interactions. I try to be kind to strangers, including salespeople. I try to drive politely. I share my beliefs and testimony when I can. I know my influence is small, but it is big enough to be meaningful.
I believe my life is extraordinary. My day-to-day responsibilities and interactions have purpose and meaning. I don't think my life is better than anyone else's. We all live extraordinary lives. My life is filled with extraordinary people. I see you everywhere. And we are all changing the world--for better or worse.
This perspective helps me find great contentment and fulfillment and peace.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--33
Keeping it simple.
I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. Great things. Important things. Overwhelming things. And that right there is the problem. I get overwhelmed with my own goals. I discovered a great way to accomplish things without being overwhelmed. I make simple goals.
At some point shortly after my mission, I decided I wanted to keep a journal. I had kept a sporadic journal for most of my life. The problem was, if I went a little while without writing, I had so much to catch up on that it was absolutely overwhelming. Where do I start? What do I leave out? How in the world do I find time to write everything that has gone on in my life and in my mind since I last wrote? Impossibly overwhelming. I decided that if I wrote a small amount everyday, I would never be overwhelmed. I used a journal that was maybe 6 inches by 8 inches--so not too big. I limited myself to one page each day. And I didn't have to fill up the whole page. I wrote in my journal every single day for years. (I fizzled when I was pregnant with my first baby because I was so tired. I've been tired ever since.)
The journal writing was great, but more important for me was the life lesson of making simple, but consistent, goals. A few years ago, I thought I wanted to expand my scripture study. I had not been as enthusiastic about it as I could have been. (I blame the kids. See tired comment above.) I set a simple goal: one chapter in the Book of Mormon, one chapter in the New Testament, and one General Conference talk every day. For me, this was achievable. When I finished the New Testament, I moved on to the Doctrine and Covenants. It was easy. It was achievable. It was simple.
I have my best success in our home school, in our budgeting goals, in my housekeeping, and in my personal improvement goals if I make very simple goals that I can work on a little bit every day.
I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. Great things. Important things. Overwhelming things. And that right there is the problem. I get overwhelmed with my own goals. I discovered a great way to accomplish things without being overwhelmed. I make simple goals.
At some point shortly after my mission, I decided I wanted to keep a journal. I had kept a sporadic journal for most of my life. The problem was, if I went a little while without writing, I had so much to catch up on that it was absolutely overwhelming. Where do I start? What do I leave out? How in the world do I find time to write everything that has gone on in my life and in my mind since I last wrote? Impossibly overwhelming. I decided that if I wrote a small amount everyday, I would never be overwhelmed. I used a journal that was maybe 6 inches by 8 inches--so not too big. I limited myself to one page each day. And I didn't have to fill up the whole page. I wrote in my journal every single day for years. (I fizzled when I was pregnant with my first baby because I was so tired. I've been tired ever since.)
The journal writing was great, but more important for me was the life lesson of making simple, but consistent, goals. A few years ago, I thought I wanted to expand my scripture study. I had not been as enthusiastic about it as I could have been. (I blame the kids. See tired comment above.) I set a simple goal: one chapter in the Book of Mormon, one chapter in the New Testament, and one General Conference talk every day. For me, this was achievable. When I finished the New Testament, I moved on to the Doctrine and Covenants. It was easy. It was achievable. It was simple.
I have my best success in our home school, in our budgeting goals, in my housekeeping, and in my personal improvement goals if I make very simple goals that I can work on a little bit every day.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--34
Show a Little Respect
It all started when I first subscribed to the New York Times. I took a couple classes in college that required a subscription. I noticed that The Times does something differently than other newspapers I had read. They never refer to someone by just a last name. They always use Mr., Ms., or another appropriate title. It is such a small thing. Even on the sports pages, titles were used. It was the nineties, so I read a lot of stories about Mr. Jordan and Mr. Malone and Mr. Rodman and their colleagues. I believe that even criminals were given this little bit of respect.
It is a small thing, but it makes a difference. I found that using a title instead of just a surname humanizes the person in the story. It is so classy. I know that many people would argue that some people who make it into the newspaper don't deserve that element of respect. I disagree. Like I said, it's humanizing.
Using titles is an expectation I have for my children. We don't do a very good job with the titles of "aunt" and "uncle." It's probably because I always called my aunts and uncles by only their first names. It's easier with Chris' side of the family because "auntie" and "uncle" are commonly used. Anyway, if my children refer to people in the news, I ask them to use a title. President Obama. Senator Reid. Governor Romney. President Bush. We, of course, have this expectation for leaders in our church as well, whether we've met them or not. President Monson. Elder Ballard. Bishop Anderson. Sister Rust.
When we talk about people we don't know, we can be overly critical of their public persona. I have found and I sincerely believe that by using a simple title like Mr. or Ms., there is less inclination to cruelly criticize the character of strangers. I am happy to criticize their public policies regardless of title.
Using titles makes conversation a little classier.
It all started when I first subscribed to the New York Times. I took a couple classes in college that required a subscription. I noticed that The Times does something differently than other newspapers I had read. They never refer to someone by just a last name. They always use Mr., Ms., or another appropriate title. It is such a small thing. Even on the sports pages, titles were used. It was the nineties, so I read a lot of stories about Mr. Jordan and Mr. Malone and Mr. Rodman and their colleagues. I believe that even criminals were given this little bit of respect.
It is a small thing, but it makes a difference. I found that using a title instead of just a surname humanizes the person in the story. It is so classy. I know that many people would argue that some people who make it into the newspaper don't deserve that element of respect. I disagree. Like I said, it's humanizing.
Using titles is an expectation I have for my children. We don't do a very good job with the titles of "aunt" and "uncle." It's probably because I always called my aunts and uncles by only their first names. It's easier with Chris' side of the family because "auntie" and "uncle" are commonly used. Anyway, if my children refer to people in the news, I ask them to use a title. President Obama. Senator Reid. Governor Romney. President Bush. We, of course, have this expectation for leaders in our church as well, whether we've met them or not. President Monson. Elder Ballard. Bishop Anderson. Sister Rust.
When we talk about people we don't know, we can be overly critical of their public persona. I have found and I sincerely believe that by using a simple title like Mr. or Ms., there is less inclination to cruelly criticize the character of strangers. I am happy to criticize their public policies regardless of title.
Using titles makes conversation a little classier.
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