An Inconvenient Truth
Like most new moms, when I had my first baby, my whole world started spinning around him. I was absorbed with taking care of him. I adored him. When he was about three months old, I hosted a baby shower for my sister. I decided to have a little fun with the invitations. They were handmade pop-up cards. They were very interactive. And they took some time to make. I was blissfully enjoying my creative process when I heard a little cry from the bedroom. My baby, it seems, had woken up from his nap. I felt frustrated. It surprised me. This was the first time I had felt frustration directed toward my perfect baby boy. I was very blessed that I immediately recognized that I wasn't frustrated with my baby; I was frustrated because I had been interrupted.
As motherhood goes on, I find that most (not all) of the time I am frustrated or short-tempered with my kids, it's because they are being inconvenient. If I am focused on them and their needs, they don't bother me. We get along great. But when they interrupt something I'm doing, I tend to snap at them. It's certainly not their fault.
This isn't to say that I need to pay all of my attention to the children all of the time. That's ridiculous. I am grateful to recognize that when they are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome, it is not necessarily because they, the children, are annoying, frustrating, or bothersome. It's usually because I have something else on my mind or something else to do.
Why is this something important enough for me to consider it one of my life philosophies? Because knowing that "it's not them, it's me" helps me be a little more patient. If I snap, I catch myself and apologize. I explain that I'm not frustrated with them, I'm frustrated because of some other reason. It's a good reminder to me and I use it often. I think it strengthens our relationships with each other. I don't use this as an excuse for my bad behavior. I use it as a reminder to stop myself from behaving badly.
Children are sometimes inconvenient. Lots of worthwhile things are inconvenient when I have a separate agenda. I am so grateful that I learned so early on to recognize the real reason for my frustration. The children are innocent when they ask for my attention. If I can't give them immediate attention, the least I can do is kindly explain why.
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