A revolutionary revelation

Well, things are changing around here. Let me tell you the story. It's a story about receiving and recognizing revelation. The context? How I choose to educate my children.

I homeschool my kids, as perhaps you know. For the past three years, I have used a curriculum that I can receive for no cost (That's right folks, it's free!) through the public school system. Technically, my children are enrolled in public school, but I am (in theory) in charge of their education. In many ways, it has worked well for us. But I have had some frustrations with the "system," as well as with the curriculum.

I have gone through stages when this method of education works very, very well for us. The kids are progressing nicely. I enjoy teaching them. But there are other times when the frustration is overwhelming. Last Friday was quite frustrating. I expressed my personal frustrations to my parents, expecting to receive advice from my mom. My mom homeschooled my youngest brother, is well-versed in education, and has a lot of good advice. I was very surprised that it was my dad who led the conversation. He had so many ideas on what I could do to meet the needs of my son. Wow, I said. I will have to be a little more creative. How will I fit creativity into the mold of the prescribed curriculum?

Later that day, I wrote a lengthy e-mail to the public school teachers to whom I am accountable for my use of their curriculum. I did not send it to the teachers, since I was ranting. (I have a whole file of things I have written in response to other people's opinions--especially posted on Facebook--that I write and don't send to anyone. I'm such a nerd. But it's a good outlet for me.) Instead, I sent it to a couple of my sisters. One of my sisters, Rachel, called me about an hour later. She also uses this curriculum and has experienced many of the same frustrations. However, her frustrations are not to the same overwhelming level that mine are. This curriculum is working for her family. For a long time, I have felt that if Rachel can do it, I should be able to do it, too. I know that what's right for one family isn't necessarily what's right for another family. But in large measure, the success of my children and their education comes down to my own motivation and self-discipline and determination. If I had more of all of this, it would work, right?

I had no intention of discontinuing with the public school. Did I mention that it's free? Plus, it's all there. I don't have to do a lot of planning or preparing. I turn on my computer in the morning and it tells me what to teach. In many ways, this has been the right thing for our family. But at this point, I am healthier than I have been for a while and our family is at a stable and healthy place. I think we can do something a little different.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. So, all weekend I watched General Conference. I was uplifted, edified, and finished the weekend so excited about life and the future. I made specific goals and thought for sure I would be able to make my curriculum work for us. I woke up Monday morning and got to work. Monday proceeded as the worst day in my mothering experience. I was a nightmare. Granted, the children were not exactly cherubic that day, but they were not the problem. I was. I was so confused. I was motivated. I was determined. I was disciplined. Why was it not working?

I talked to Chris for a while and he was sympathetic to my plight. He reminded me that my budget rules are my rules, not his. If we need to spend some money on our children's education, that's okay. Hmm, says I. And then I got an e-mail from my sister Kathryn. She had read my ranting e-mail and responded. I believe her response, in timing and substance, was inspired. She simply said, "Oh, Megan. I agree with everything you've written. That's why our family does something different now. I can help you."

My sisters have offered me help and advice on home education many times. But this time, I was ready to receive it. When I read the e-mail from Kathryn, I realized that this was an answer to my prayers. The way to improve school isn't just through my own discipline, but through my own creativity. It is time for me to admit that what we have been doing isn't working and it is time to move on.

I realized that often when I pray, if the answer to my prayers is a yes, or go ahead, I feel peace. If the answer is no, or stop, I feel frustrated, angry, and confused. At one point, I needed a bishop to point out to me that those feelings are also called a stupor of thought. Once I realized that my confusion and frustration wasn't because I'm a terrible person, but rather an answer to my prayers leading me to a better way, I felt at peace. I think I may have been getting this spiritual direction for some time, but I was afraid of the unknown. I've been afraid of the financial commitment to any other sort of curriculum. I've been afraid of the personal commitment--it will take a lot more creative effort and preparation--for me. I've been afraid to be inconsistent by changing our curriculum in the middle of the coursework. I've also been afraid of having my sister, who is excelling with this curriculum, feel like I was abandoning her or like I thought my new way was better than her way. In the past two days, I have dealt with these fears. My frustration has left. And it's been kind of exciting. I'm going to take charge of the education of my children in a whole new way. Wish me luck.

By the way, since my new method of educating the kids will not involve on-line curriculum, it will seriously cut into my Facebook time. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is a big deal to me. Again, wish me luck.

By the way again, I think that my extreme frustration has been intensified by my stubborn refusal to recognize the guidance of the spirit in the past. I think had I been listening more carefully, I could have made these changes sooner and perhaps avoided the meltdown I had on Monday. :-)

Overheard recently in our car

Ammon: I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse!
Sarah: I'm so hungry, I could eat a WHALE!
Nathan: I'm so hungry, I could eat a PIZZA!!!

Bethie, speaking to herself, using her cute little fingers as the characters, and a different voice for each finger speaking in the dialogue:
Mom, the kids are not making room for me.
Kids, make room for your little sister.
What?
What?
Kids, make room for your little sister.
Dad, the kids are still not making room for me.
Kids, make room for your little sister.
Okay, I will make room for her.
Okay, I will make room for her.
Etc....

Nathan: I think that God must really like the color blue. That's why he made the whole sky blue! And that's why he made garbage cans blue.
Ammon: Those are recycling bins.

Easter

I love Easter. One of my favorite holidays. We dyed eggs with some of our cousins. We hunted for eggs. And then we had a fishing pond for the kids to catch their new clothes. We spent most of the weekend watching General Conference. I find listening to the word of the Lord a truly great way to celebrate His resurrection. Pictures? Yes, please.

Cousin High

Well, then, here's the March story. We had a somewhat spontaneous and coincidental family reunion. First off, my brother, Jeff, was sent to South Korea. By "sent," I mean that he is stationed there with the army. The army sent him over in January to get settled in before his family could join him. My sister-in-law, Cami, and nephew, Jacob, came from Missouri to visit us in Utah before they left for Korea. (Sadly, Jeff was not here for reunion.) Cami's son, Joshua, lives here in Utah with his father. Cami, Jacob, and Joshua stayed with us for a while. Was it two and a half weeks? In the meantime, Cami's other son, Andrew, came to Utah to visit during his pre-Afghanistan-tour leave from the Army. I didn't actually see Andrew while he was here, but I knew he was nearby and I liked that. My other brother, Jacob, and his family came to Utah because Jacob's father-in-law was getting married. It was purely coincidental that everybody (except Jeff) was here at the same time. And we weren't expecting Cami's and Jacob's visit, so that makes it spontaneous. Are you following me?

I have (count them) 4 sisters, 3 brothers, 2 parents, 4 brothers-in-law (on the Rawlins side) and 2 sisters-in-law (on the Rawlins side) and 26 nieces and nephews (also on the Rawlins side. We'll deal with the Woods another day). We spent a lot of time together in March. I LOVE these people. I was in heaven. Even the ones in my family who live nearby came over often whilst the out-of-towners were in-town. Therefore, when everyone went home (or to Korea), I was exhausted.

My kids were also exhausted. The last of our lovely visitors left last Monday, March 22. I thought I'd give my kids a good, solid, laid-back week to come down from their cousin high. This is how that went: On Monday, Kathryn and family came over to work on a project. On Tuesday, we got together with Lisa and Rachel and families to have our homeschool co-op. On Wednesday, it was just us! On Thursday, my nephew, Jamison, came over to babysit. On Friday, my sister, Rachel, babysat my kids whilst I attended a funeral. And then I'm thinking Kathryn came over later. On Saturday, it was just us! On Sunday, we got together with all of my Utah family, plus my aunts and uncle and tons of cousins (and all of their kids) to bid a fond farewell to my aunt and uncle who are off to Tonga on a mission. On Monday, Kathryn and family came over to work on a project. On Tuesday, Rachel and I went somewhere and left all of the children with my brother-in-law Josh.

Are you following me? There is no such thing as coming down from a cousin high. We are in the thick of things cousin-wise. I love my sisters and brothers and their families. And I am grateful we spend so much time with them. I think it is good for my children to have strong bonds with their cousins. These are eternal friendships that they are building. I would like to proudly point out that I didn't sob hysterically half of the night when my brother went back to Iowa. I only cried a little. I had so much fun getting to know my nephew Jacob. I haven't ever spent a lot of time with him. My kids were in heaven having him here. I missed Joshua when he returned to his dad's. He isn't exactly a jabberbox, but I enjoy it when he is around.

And then there's my sisters-in-law, Laura and Cami. I love these women. I love them and admire them and am so glad they are in my family.

So, if you have read through this boring post, you deserve to be rewarded with a few photos. I took most of the pictures at the zoo. I forget to take a lot of pictures at home. Here goes:

Every morning, for several beautiful days, the kids would go outside with cousin Jacob and build a fort. We would take it down at night and then they'd do it all over the next day. I am pretty sure Jacob is relaxing somewhere in this fort. Nathan and Sarah are the ones you can see.

Naomi and Sarah: the Toothless Twins. (Okay, to be fair, Naomi's front teeth are growing in already.)

A lot of kids, all related, checking out some penguins at the zoo. Shall I name them? No. Just trust me that I know them.

Landon with a peacock strutting his stuff in the background. Oh, the fun (and obvious) jokes that can be made to compare these two. :-)

Alyssa and Jaycie being silly by the peacock.

Ammon and Emma with a beautiful WOLF!!! I just wish that the fence wasn't there so that I could have a better view. (Ha ha)

Anna and Naomi with the giraffes.

Rachel and Sophie admiring the baby elephant.

Oh look! I was there, too. It's me with Beth and the baby giraffe and his mama behind us.

My boys: Nathan and Ammon, riding some big ol' cats.

Jacob pretending to be a gorilla just like the one in the statue.

Ryan, trying to make a funny face like Jacob's, but too shy to show me.

Is it any wonder Jacob is the favorite uncle?

Is it any wonder Landon is the favorite cousin? (Okay, we like all the cousins. But Landon's pretty cool.)

I love this picture of Boyce with his grandpa.

All the kids gathered around Jacob to watch the Muppets singing silly songs.

My kids with my brother's kids: Ammon, Sarah, Naomi, Nathan, Boyce, Beth

Boyce and Beth. They are about 5 months apart in age and they got along splendidly. Beth loves Boyce so much.

Sarah and Naomi are only 8 days apart in age. I had forgotten what best friends they are. (As long as Sarah isn't overly tired and emotional. Sorry about that, Naomi!)

Beth and Baby Turtle. I just think she's cute. It's really irrelevant to the whole Cousins Theme.

Eden, Naomi, and Sarah made self-portraits. I love them, especially that they are holding hands.

My children with my brother's son: Beth, Nathan, Jacob, Ammon, Sarah. I regret not taking any photos of Joshua while he was with us. But, like I said, I forget to get my camera out at home.

The aforementioned lovely and wonderful sisters-in-law: Cami and Laura.

My aunt Karen, Mom, and Jacob.

My parents. This was actually taken on Dad's birthday, but I will share it here as the grand finale.

It's almost Easter

I'm planning to write something on the blog today. Of course, I've been planning to do that for some time now. I don't know that it's going to happen. In the meantime, please enjoy these Easter thoughts.