Passion Without Anger
In a conversation with a friend, I said something about what a wonderful thing we have in our country: free public schools. My friend looked at me in surprise. She couldn't believe she heard that from me because I home school. I realized that in all the time we have been friends, I've never explained to her the reasons I home school. Briefly stated, it is not because I have anything against public schools.
If I am going to dedicate as much of my life to home school as I have, you better believe I feel passionately about it. I could talk endlessly about the benefits for my family. But I stand out from some (NOT ALL) of my home schooling buddies in the fact that I think our public school system is remarkable.
This is what I like to call passion without anger. I can, feasibly, love and support my alma mater without any kind of ill feeling toward our "rival." I can love my country with passionate patriotism and still hold no animosity toward another country. Sometimes I hear it said that anger stirs people to action. That may be, but it also divides people and makes it difficult to communicate respect and tolerance.
Passion and anger don't have to be one and the same.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--32
Changing the World
I recently attended a workshop on how to write a personal history. The teacher emphasized that our lives and experiences would be important to our children and grandchildren even if, to us, our lives seem pretty ordinary and not worth recording. I leaned over to my friend and said, "I think my life is extraordinary." I think my friend thought I was kidding.
I wasn't.
When I was a teenager, I decided to change the world. I recycled. I turned off lights that weren't in use. I conserved water. I took public transportation when possible. I never littered. I didn't wonder how one little person doing such little things could possibly make a difference. I knew that if everybody did little things, it would make a world of difference.
I continue to change the world with little things. I believe I change the world by being a good mother. I try to be positive in my online interactions. I try to be kind to strangers, including salespeople. I try to drive politely. I share my beliefs and testimony when I can. I know my influence is small, but it is big enough to be meaningful.
I believe my life is extraordinary. My day-to-day responsibilities and interactions have purpose and meaning. I don't think my life is better than anyone else's. We all live extraordinary lives. My life is filled with extraordinary people. I see you everywhere. And we are all changing the world--for better or worse.
This perspective helps me find great contentment and fulfillment and peace.
I recently attended a workshop on how to write a personal history. The teacher emphasized that our lives and experiences would be important to our children and grandchildren even if, to us, our lives seem pretty ordinary and not worth recording. I leaned over to my friend and said, "I think my life is extraordinary." I think my friend thought I was kidding.
I wasn't.
When I was a teenager, I decided to change the world. I recycled. I turned off lights that weren't in use. I conserved water. I took public transportation when possible. I never littered. I didn't wonder how one little person doing such little things could possibly make a difference. I knew that if everybody did little things, it would make a world of difference.
I continue to change the world with little things. I believe I change the world by being a good mother. I try to be positive in my online interactions. I try to be kind to strangers, including salespeople. I try to drive politely. I share my beliefs and testimony when I can. I know my influence is small, but it is big enough to be meaningful.
I believe my life is extraordinary. My day-to-day responsibilities and interactions have purpose and meaning. I don't think my life is better than anyone else's. We all live extraordinary lives. My life is filled with extraordinary people. I see you everywhere. And we are all changing the world--for better or worse.
This perspective helps me find great contentment and fulfillment and peace.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--33
Keeping it simple.
I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. Great things. Important things. Overwhelming things. And that right there is the problem. I get overwhelmed with my own goals. I discovered a great way to accomplish things without being overwhelmed. I make simple goals.
At some point shortly after my mission, I decided I wanted to keep a journal. I had kept a sporadic journal for most of my life. The problem was, if I went a little while without writing, I had so much to catch up on that it was absolutely overwhelming. Where do I start? What do I leave out? How in the world do I find time to write everything that has gone on in my life and in my mind since I last wrote? Impossibly overwhelming. I decided that if I wrote a small amount everyday, I would never be overwhelmed. I used a journal that was maybe 6 inches by 8 inches--so not too big. I limited myself to one page each day. And I didn't have to fill up the whole page. I wrote in my journal every single day for years. (I fizzled when I was pregnant with my first baby because I was so tired. I've been tired ever since.)
The journal writing was great, but more important for me was the life lesson of making simple, but consistent, goals. A few years ago, I thought I wanted to expand my scripture study. I had not been as enthusiastic about it as I could have been. (I blame the kids. See tired comment above.) I set a simple goal: one chapter in the Book of Mormon, one chapter in the New Testament, and one General Conference talk every day. For me, this was achievable. When I finished the New Testament, I moved on to the Doctrine and Covenants. It was easy. It was achievable. It was simple.
I have my best success in our home school, in our budgeting goals, in my housekeeping, and in my personal improvement goals if I make very simple goals that I can work on a little bit every day.
I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. Great things. Important things. Overwhelming things. And that right there is the problem. I get overwhelmed with my own goals. I discovered a great way to accomplish things without being overwhelmed. I make simple goals.
At some point shortly after my mission, I decided I wanted to keep a journal. I had kept a sporadic journal for most of my life. The problem was, if I went a little while without writing, I had so much to catch up on that it was absolutely overwhelming. Where do I start? What do I leave out? How in the world do I find time to write everything that has gone on in my life and in my mind since I last wrote? Impossibly overwhelming. I decided that if I wrote a small amount everyday, I would never be overwhelmed. I used a journal that was maybe 6 inches by 8 inches--so not too big. I limited myself to one page each day. And I didn't have to fill up the whole page. I wrote in my journal every single day for years. (I fizzled when I was pregnant with my first baby because I was so tired. I've been tired ever since.)
The journal writing was great, but more important for me was the life lesson of making simple, but consistent, goals. A few years ago, I thought I wanted to expand my scripture study. I had not been as enthusiastic about it as I could have been. (I blame the kids. See tired comment above.) I set a simple goal: one chapter in the Book of Mormon, one chapter in the New Testament, and one General Conference talk every day. For me, this was achievable. When I finished the New Testament, I moved on to the Doctrine and Covenants. It was easy. It was achievable. It was simple.
I have my best success in our home school, in our budgeting goals, in my housekeeping, and in my personal improvement goals if I make very simple goals that I can work on a little bit every day.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--34
Show a Little Respect
It all started when I first subscribed to the New York Times. I took a couple classes in college that required a subscription. I noticed that The Times does something differently than other newspapers I had read. They never refer to someone by just a last name. They always use Mr., Ms., or another appropriate title. It is such a small thing. Even on the sports pages, titles were used. It was the nineties, so I read a lot of stories about Mr. Jordan and Mr. Malone and Mr. Rodman and their colleagues. I believe that even criminals were given this little bit of respect.
It is a small thing, but it makes a difference. I found that using a title instead of just a surname humanizes the person in the story. It is so classy. I know that many people would argue that some people who make it into the newspaper don't deserve that element of respect. I disagree. Like I said, it's humanizing.
Using titles is an expectation I have for my children. We don't do a very good job with the titles of "aunt" and "uncle." It's probably because I always called my aunts and uncles by only their first names. It's easier with Chris' side of the family because "auntie" and "uncle" are commonly used. Anyway, if my children refer to people in the news, I ask them to use a title. President Obama. Senator Reid. Governor Romney. President Bush. We, of course, have this expectation for leaders in our church as well, whether we've met them or not. President Monson. Elder Ballard. Bishop Anderson. Sister Rust.
When we talk about people we don't know, we can be overly critical of their public persona. I have found and I sincerely believe that by using a simple title like Mr. or Ms., there is less inclination to cruelly criticize the character of strangers. I am happy to criticize their public policies regardless of title.
Using titles makes conversation a little classier.
It all started when I first subscribed to the New York Times. I took a couple classes in college that required a subscription. I noticed that The Times does something differently than other newspapers I had read. They never refer to someone by just a last name. They always use Mr., Ms., or another appropriate title. It is such a small thing. Even on the sports pages, titles were used. It was the nineties, so I read a lot of stories about Mr. Jordan and Mr. Malone and Mr. Rodman and their colleagues. I believe that even criminals were given this little bit of respect.
It is a small thing, but it makes a difference. I found that using a title instead of just a surname humanizes the person in the story. It is so classy. I know that many people would argue that some people who make it into the newspaper don't deserve that element of respect. I disagree. Like I said, it's humanizing.
Using titles is an expectation I have for my children. We don't do a very good job with the titles of "aunt" and "uncle." It's probably because I always called my aunts and uncles by only their first names. It's easier with Chris' side of the family because "auntie" and "uncle" are commonly used. Anyway, if my children refer to people in the news, I ask them to use a title. President Obama. Senator Reid. Governor Romney. President Bush. We, of course, have this expectation for leaders in our church as well, whether we've met them or not. President Monson. Elder Ballard. Bishop Anderson. Sister Rust.
When we talk about people we don't know, we can be overly critical of their public persona. I have found and I sincerely believe that by using a simple title like Mr. or Ms., there is less inclination to cruelly criticize the character of strangers. I am happy to criticize their public policies regardless of title.
Using titles makes conversation a little classier.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Mid-Life Philosophy--35
Clean it up.
One of the common themes taught to young mothers is to not worry about the mess. I read and heard advice given over and over that the children are only small for such a short time. Don't worry about the mess. A messy house is a lived-in house. Enjoy your children, don't worry about cleaning.
I tried that for a while. And then one day I thought, "I am leaving my children a legacy of sloppiness. This is not me. This is not the legacy I want to leave." So I started cleaning. I am not a paranoid cleaner. I allow the kids to create and explore, but we always clean up afterward. When the house is clean, the children are happier. There is less fighting. There is more creativity and play. They are more attentive in school. I am happier and more energized. I find I have time for so much more if my house is clean.
We are far from perfect on this one. But it is something that matters to me. I want to leave my children a legacy of cleanliness. I want them to understand how to balance work and play and to be responsible for their behaviors--that includes being responsible for the messes they make. When my husband comes home to a clean house, he is better able to relax. When I'm out for the evening and I come home to a clean house, I am very, very happy. It's a simple way to welcome people, including our own family members, into our home. I am talking about basic tidying up, organizing, and day-to-day cleaning; I am not talking about living in a sterile environment.
Cleanliness is a legacy worth leaving.
One of the common themes taught to young mothers is to not worry about the mess. I read and heard advice given over and over that the children are only small for such a short time. Don't worry about the mess. A messy house is a lived-in house. Enjoy your children, don't worry about cleaning.
I tried that for a while. And then one day I thought, "I am leaving my children a legacy of sloppiness. This is not me. This is not the legacy I want to leave." So I started cleaning. I am not a paranoid cleaner. I allow the kids to create and explore, but we always clean up afterward. When the house is clean, the children are happier. There is less fighting. There is more creativity and play. They are more attentive in school. I am happier and more energized. I find I have time for so much more if my house is clean.
We are far from perfect on this one. But it is something that matters to me. I want to leave my children a legacy of cleanliness. I want them to understand how to balance work and play and to be responsible for their behaviors--that includes being responsible for the messes they make. When my husband comes home to a clean house, he is better able to relax. When I'm out for the evening and I come home to a clean house, I am very, very happy. It's a simple way to welcome people, including our own family members, into our home. I am talking about basic tidying up, organizing, and day-to-day cleaning; I am not talking about living in a sterile environment.
Cleanliness is a legacy worth leaving.
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