Identity and happiness

I have a friend who writes a blog.

I'm just going to let you think about that for a minute.

Anyway, this particular blog, Happy Families, is designed to "help you be your best parenting self." It's a parenting blog and I think it's a useful one. A lot of parenting blogs that I read (usually because someone posts a link on Facebook) aren't that useful. It seems that some people who write them are living in a parallel universe--they're floating above the rest of us in an idealistic world that I can't relate to, you know, because I'm here on the ground. Other blogs seem to buy into a current thinking trend that I like to call "the glorification of motherhood." These blogs are self-centered around the parent and have nothing to do with the children--unless said children are doing something (or looking adorable) that makes the parent look better. And then there are the blogs that claim to be "real parents" but really, it's just a whole lot of complaining about children--or complaining about people who aren't in our same stage of life and obviously don't know what they're missing out on.

Wow. I'm rambling a bit here. Let me get to my point. I have a friend--more of an acquaintance--more of a former district leader that I wasn't very close to--and this friend writes a parenting blog. He is working on a Ph.D in psychology (specifically relating to parenting and children) and does parenting seminars and also is raising five daughters. He will often site recent studies and then allow the reader (that's me) to draw conclusions for my own life. Other times (and this is the good stuff), he writes useful little tips for real life, day-to-day parenting. Yesterday he posted something about how to deal with a child's persistent bad behavior (like temper tantrums). Some of his advice is long-term and some is immediate. Either way, he's got a good head on his shoulders (some of his political ideologies are a little off, but he doesn't blog about those) and he's also got good morals. So, I like to read his blog.

I didn't mean for this to be an advert for Happy Families. I'm coming to a point here. I promise I have one. My friend, let's give him a name...we'll call him Justin, started a Facebook page for his Happy Families blog. I was on FB (I know, shocking!) and searched for Justin's new page so I could see if I should "like" it. As I typed "Happy Families" in the search thing, another page came up titled: "Mixed and Happy: I support mixed-race families!" So, I checked it out because I'm a checker-outer. It's a blog and society and support group for parents and children (including adult children) of mixed race families. Interesting, I thought. I guess I could belong to that group.

This is turning into a stream of consciousness of Megan's rambling brain. When I was pregnant with Ammon, I had a job. My boss was the daughter of a Mexican father and a Brazilian (Caucasian) mother. She was dating a black man from Haiti. She had struggled growing up finding her personal ethnic identity and was worried about her potential children who might have an even harder time. Before you scoff, please know that ethnic identity is a real and significant thing. Anyway, my friend (also boss) got a lot of books to read about how to raise children of mixed-race parents. She asked me how I planned to deal with the issue with Ammon. I hadn't thought about it. Not at all. Well, I had thought about the fact that he probably wouldn't get my baby blues, but I like brown eyes. A lot.

So, I thought about it. I approached my Relief Society president, a Caucasian woman married to a Latin-American man. I asked her about how she had helped her children find confidence in their identity. She told me that they didn't focus on culture or ethnicity in their home; they focused on the fact that we are each children of God. Her counsel was to teach my children from birth that their identity is found in knowing their Heavenly Father and knowing that that relationship is real. I found that advice amazing. And I have tried to follow her counsel.

My children naturally know that their heritage is Hawaiian. They also know that they are Welsh, Danish, German, Jewish, Chinese, Cherokee, Scottish, English, and Irish. And maybe Apache, we're not really sure. If I'm completely honest, they forget most of the things on that list. But I remind them. They do know that they are American. And most of all, they are children of a Heavenly Father who loves them. Knowing this profound truth will hopefully shape their identity, their confidence, and their life choices. I know that it has shaped mine.

Um, that was a longer post than I thought it would be. Sorry about that.